Here we go: Week 7 of the 2011-12 season and DGA's Week 7 NHL Power Rankings. Absolutely nothing worthy of discussion happened this week, so let's start.
1. Boston Bruins (+8) - If Tyler Seguin wins the Selke Trophy and Phil Kessel wins the Art Ross, Rocket Richard and Hart Trophy, does that mean the Bruins won the trade by Claude Julien's logic?
2. Detroit Red Wings (+4) - Datsyuk and Zetterberg are back to being their superhuman, partially robotic selves again, thus restoring normalcy to the world.
3. Pittsburgh Penguins (--) - So when does Crosby come back?
4. Minnesota Wild (-3) - They recently signed a 51-year old fan to an amateur contract as an emergency goalie, which is something a franchise such as Philadelphia or the NY Islanders would do.
5. San Jose Sharks (-3) - "The Sharks really miss Dany Heatley." - nobody.
6. Chicago Blackhawks (-2) - "Chelsea Dagger" is the most played song in the city of Chicago.*
7. New York Rangers (--) - Henrik Lundqvist's 37th career shutout (against the Flyers this past Friday) moves him within 79 of Martin Brodeur's shutout record.
8. Toronto Maple Leafs (-3) - Considering that the Leafs sustain more injuries in a week than a dummy at a military target practice, Brian Burke hasn't overreacted and started trading for every player on the market.
9. Philadelphia Flyers (-1) - Paul Holmgren watched as the Wild signed a fan as the emergency goalie and may have gotten some ideas from that. Maybe that's why the Flyers are holding a goaltending tryout session this week which is open to the public.
10. Florida Panthers (+7) - Jason Garrison has twice as many goals as assists...and he's a defenseman. Also interesting: his 8 goals in 23 games this season are more than his goal total from his entire 113 previous games combined.
11. Phoenix Coyotes (+4) - The Coyotes will be taking the rejects from the Flyers goalie tryouts and turning them into Vezina candidates.
12. Vancouver Canucks (+6) - Roberto Luongo managed to get his goals against average under 3.00 this week.
13. St. Louis Blues (+6) - Ken Hitchcock has revitalized the Blues thanks to one word: defense.
14. Buffalo Sabres (-4) - Lindy Ruff's Milan Lucic punching bag really fires up the team before every game.
15. Los Angeles Kings (-3) - Perhaps the Kings acquired the wrong Richards last summer.
16. Nashville Predators (-5) - Fact: Pekka Rinne has more assists than Jerred Smithson this season.
17. Dallas Stars (-3) - Well, losing your starting goalie isn't the end of the world. Look at the Buffalo S...okay never mind.
18. Washington Capitals (-5) - Don't worry, Bruce, Alex Ovechkin and Semin don't hate you enough to torch your car...yet.
19. New Jersey Devils (-3) - The NHL's newest anti-Devils strategy is to wipe out any game-tying goal with under 5 seconds remaining in the third period.
20. Tampa Bay Lightning (--) - Upon asking about acquiring Jonathan Bernier, Steve Yzerman laughed hysterically when Deam Lombardi asked for Victor Hedman, but then realized Lombardi was serious.
21. Montreal Canadiens (+3) - Andrei Markov is almost ready to return to the Habs' lineup, which means they'll have a quality defensemen for about two weeks, before Markov inevitably crashes into the boards and injures himself again.
22. Ottawa Senators (--) - As it turns out, Paul MacLean doesn't suck as much as the last NHL head coach with his last name did.
23. Winnipeg Jets (+2) - Dustin Byfuglien is the best defensemen in the league who never learned to skate backwards.
24. Edmonton Oilers (-3) - Now that Taylor Hall is injured, Steve Tambellini plans to have Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Jordan Eberle scratched in order to restore his annual 1st Overall Draft Pick Party in June.
25. Colorado Avalanche (-2) - That Semyon Varlamov trade probably wasn't the best goaltender acquisition in Avs' history...
26. Calgary Flames (--) - Jarome Iginla is definitely getting traded this year, just as he was last year and just as Brett Favre definitely retired four years ago.
27. Carolina Hurricanes (+1) - Tomas Kaberle is on the trade block...again. He's bound to draw at least an 8th round pick in return...
28. New York Islanders (+1) - They finally got their first road win of the season, thanks to Michael Grabner's 700 breakaways in two games against the Devils this week.
29. Anaheim Ducks (-2) - Perhaps we have a new Fail for Nail favorite destination?
30. Columbus Blue Jackets (--) - It was tempting to move the Jackets out of 30th this week.