1. Dallas Stars (+2) - They don't have Hull and Modano, and they'd prefer to beat you 2-1, but if they have to, they can beat you 7-6 as well.
2. Pittsburgh Penguins (--) - Perhaps the Pens are keeping Sidney Crosby out of the lineup to prevent disruption to the team's chemistry right now.
3. Chicago Blackhawks (+6) - Patrick Kane apparently ran into one of the Sedin twins last night, so presumably, the Sedins own a taxi company.
4. Washington Capitals (+1) - Bruce Boudreau should just stop @#$%ing trying to be a @#$%ing defensive team and just use the @#$%ing offenive talent he has.
5. Toronto Maple Leafs (-4) - They got Seguin'ed. Again.
6. San Jose Sharks (--) - Their comeback win against the Penguins was good for the Sharks, but not for fans who were trying to convince management that their black jerseys have to go.
7. Los Angeles Kings (-3) - Dean Lombardi has truly prevented this team from being elite.
8. Edmonton Oilers (--) - You think Paranormal Activity is weird? How about the Edmonton Oilers owning the NHL's lowest goals against average?
9. Colorado Avalanche (-2) - Perhaps the recent snow woke Matt Duschene up from his summer hibernation.
10. Buffalo Sabres (+3) - There's no goalie problems in Buffalo. What idiot said that??
11. Nashville Predators (+6) - The coming months in Nashville will be full of speculation: Suter or Weber?
12. Philadelphia Flyers (+2) - They definitely took advantage of their Saturday night game against the not-so-great Blue Jackets to fix some problems.
13. Tampa Bay Lightning (+3) - Tampa Bay had a few comeback wins this week, and Steven Stamkos decided that it's time to hunt down Phil Kessel.
14. Minnesota Wild (+5) - The stellar of play of Josh Harding makes Minnesota
15. Detroit Red Wings (--) - The unimaginable losing streak in Detroit is over, courtesy of a 5-0 win over Anaheim, but Red Wing fans have been humbled through this experience.
16. Vancouver Canucks (-4) - The Blackhawks hosted the Canucks last night and they kept playing Roberto Luongo's favorite song: Chelsea Dagger...
17. New York Rangers (+11) - Sometimes, Marian Gaborik stays awake on the ice and when he does, the Rangers are actually not a terrible team.
18. Ottawa Senators (-7) - The Powerhouse Sens (that's my official 2011-12 nickname for Ottawa, regardless of result) hid a bit of a bump in the road, but hey, they're not dead last right now, which is where they probably should be on November 7th.
19. Florida Panthers (-9) - Some
20. Phoenix Coyotes (+1) - Mike Smith is having a great year in Phoenix so far. He'll absolutely hate Philadelphia when he signs there.
21. New Jersey Devils (+6) - Adam Henrique might be the newest Jersey hero since Snooki.
22. St. Louis Blues (-4) - Not even former Powerhouse Sens goalie Brian Elliott can get a win right now.
23. Boston Bruins (+2) - I'd love to know what Claude Julien told his Bruins before they went into the ACC and shredded the Leafs on Saturday, and humbled Leafs Nation along the way.
24. Calgary Flames (-1) - Knowing the Avs had just played in a game featuring 13 combined goals, the Flames beat Colorado, 2-1 on Sunday.
25. Anaheim Ducks (-3) - Not even the Elder Great 8 can keep the Ducks afloat right now.
26. Carolina Hurricanes (-2) - Eric Staal is a lot better than 5 points and a -16 rating over 14 games. He hasn't been the same player since he realized that his hit on his brother Marc severely injured Marc.
27. New York Islanders (-1) - Despite a win over Washington on Saturday, John Tavares is due for a hat trick, just as Rick DiPietro is due for...well, never mind.
28. Montreal Canadiens (-8) - The Habs and Leafs seem to have switched roles this season.
29. Winnipeg Jets (--) - All of those New Yorkers booing the Jets on Sunday seemed a bit unusual.
30-59. The Teams of the AHL (Not Ranked) - Are some AHL teams better than the Winnipeg Jets? That is up for debate.
60. Columbus Blue Jackets (-30) - Steve Mason has been inducted into the One Year Wonder Hall of Fame this past week.