Monday, December 26, 2011

NHL Christmas Gifts Recap

Maybe Ilya Bryzgalov should have gotten one of these for Chris Pronger to use.  You know...with a visor...

Many people spend the day after Christmas counting up their gifts.  NHL players do that as well, and some players received some interesting gifts this year.  Here's a look at what some of hockey's best players received for Christmas this year.

Henrik Lundqvist -
Gift: Two tickets to a Knicks game.
Problem: His buddy, Justin Bieber, has been hanging out in Toronto lately...

Ilya Bryzgalov -
Gift: A trip to the moon...obviously via the Russian space program, since NASA doesn't use shuttles anymore.
Problem: He's gotten lost in the woods.  Imagine how lost he would get in outer space...

Phil Kessel -
Gift: A new phone with an HD camera, just in time for the upcoming All-Star Weekend.
Problem: The captain of the team Kessel isn't on will definitely pick Alex Ovechkin way too early.

Drew Doughty -
Gift: A new contract that doesn't include the "everyone on the team must stop scoring" clause.
Problem: Dean Lombardi has no idea how to successfully sign a star player.

Dany Heatley -
Gift: A ski trip through the Manitoba mountains.
Problem: He's never owned a winter jacket.

John MacLean -
Gift: A new NHL job on a team that isn't the worst in the league.
Problem: Nobody is really sure when the "isn't the worst in the league" thing kicks in...

Gary Bettman -
Gift: A handbook titled "How to Avoid a Lockout When Negotiating a New Labor Agreement."
Problem: It was sent by David Stern.

Tampa Bay Lightning Defensemen -
Gift: A quality goaltender.
Problem: The Flyers remain atop the waiting list for one.

Randy Cunneyworth -
Gift: A "How to Speak French: For Dummies" book.
Problem: It was written by Claude Julien, so Cunneyworth isn't sure how much is accurate, and the Habs don't have any players to help him.

Jarome Iginla -
Gift: Not getting traded out of Calgary, since Iginla insists on winning with the Flames.
Problem: The media cut out the line when he said "but since I won't be playing in 40 years, get me out of here!"

Zach Parise, Shea Weber and Ryan Suter -
Gift: Each were given blank pieces of paper with a line on it for their signatures from their general manager.
Problem: According to @RealKyper_, at least one of those players has no interest in staying with his team.

Detroit Red Wings fans -
Gift: A check for free tickets to all Detroit road games, since the Wings can only seem to win at a home environment this season.
Problem: The checks were sent by Todd Bertuzzi, and not all checks sent by Todd Bertuzzi are legal...