Every year, the NHL hosts a top secret Halloween party at an unknown catering hall in New York City. Why NYC? Because Gary Bettman lives nearby and whatever he wants...happens. Through some hard work and research, I was able to find out where the party was this year, and well, here's what happened.
Gary Bettman (dressed as Mario Lemieux): Good evening, everyone, I'd like to welcome you to the NHL's annual Halloween Party. I'd like to especially welcome all of the rookies and first-timers here tonight. We have an open bar, so enjoy everyone!
*Gabriel Landeskog, Jeff Skinner, Adam Larsson, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and many other under-21 players run over to the open bar, only to be escorted into a small private room with Brendan Shanahan.
Brian Burke (dressed as a wizard): Evening, Pete. How's it going?
Peter Chiarelli (dressed as a bear): It's going well, Brian, and you? (*flashes Burke his Stanley Cup ring*)
Brian Burke: Good. Glad to hear that. You know...
Peter Chiarelli (interrupts): Yes, I know, Phil Kessel leads the league in goal scoring. (Burke smiles) But I have a ring.
Sean Avery (dressed as a clown) - (interrupts both Burke and Chiarelli): Hey guys. Wanna put a claim in for me? (Chiarelli and Burke stare at each other, and awkwardly walk away.)
Rick DiPietro (dressed as a hockey goalie): Hey Jack, how are you?
Jack Capuano (dressed as Mets pitcher Chris Capuano): Doing well, Ricky. *Shakes DiPietro's hand.*
Rick DiPietro: Owwww!! *Falls to the ground in pain.*
Jack Capuano: *Calls across the room* Garth, Rick is done for the season!
Jeff Skinner (dressed as Giants pitcher Brian Wilson): Come here, guys, I found a secret entrance to the bar! *Skinner leads the under-21 players into the bar and pours them drinks.
Andrew Ladd: (to his Jets teammates): Who is that guy over at the buffet? That's not.......oh no. *walks over to buffet table.* Kyle, how much food can you possibly eat?
Kyle Wellwood (dressed as Santa Claus): Hey, I'm just trying to be authentic...
Alex Ovechkin (dressed as Superman): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Chris Pronger (dressed as a boxer): Shutup! *Elbows Ovechkin to the ground.*
Alex Ovechkin: Hey, Chris, look at what that guy wrote on my Twitter!
Brendan Shanahan (dressed as a traffic cop): Hey, Pronger, Gary told me to keep a close eye on you tonight.
Chris Pronger: Dammit. *Shrugs shoulders and heads to the penalty room.*
Brendan Shanahan: Pronger, keep an eye on the kids in there.
Pavel Datsyuk: *Walks around the room stealing everyone's drinks.* Here you go, Nik.
Nikolai Khabibulin: Thanks, Pavel. You're so good at playing your role in real life.
Dany Heatley (sitting at a table with his teammates): Hey, can someone get me a drink? I'm too lazy to get it myself.
Ilya Bryzgalov (dressed as a hunter in the woods): Hey bartender, can I get a refill?
Bartender: Sure. *Slides a shot glass down the front of the bar, Bryzgalov misses it and it falls off the edge of the bar.*
Jonathan Quick: Look out! *Sprints over to the bar and dives to catch the shot glass.*
Ilya Bryzgalov: Nice save, Quick.
*Suddenly, someone dressed as Roadrunner from Looney Tunes races across the room.*
Rick DiPietro (still on the floor): Was that Grabs?
Glen Sather (dressed as Michael Swenson, who was one of the members of Goldman Sachs blamed for poor investment decisions): Damn, I have to sign that Grabner kid.
Gary Bettman: Glen, you're not tampering with anyone, are you? You know we have integrity in this league, right?
Zach Parise: Hey Gary, he was talking to me too.
Shea Weber: Me too!
Gary Bettman: Does anyone feel the ground shaking? *Ground shakes.*
Zdeno Chara (dressed as the Hulk): Sorry I'm late.
Brian Burke: Mike, go make yourself useful.
Mike Komisarek: Sorry, Brian, I don't think I can do that.
Ron Wilson: Ha, he got that right...
Bruce Boudreau (dressed as Eminem): *Slams his foot on a chair.* What the @#$%? This &!@#$% chair, oh @!#$.
Paul Bissonnette (dressed as Dan Carcillo): Hey Danny, did you see this costume? *Shows Dan Carcillo (dressed as Paul Bissonnette) his cell phone.*
*Avery approaches BizNasty and Carcillo, and they eventually start a brawl, destroying everything in sight.
Chris Pronger: Hey, I want a part of this! *Jumps on top of Avery.*
Brendan Shanahan: *Blows referee whistle.* Hey, Pronger, get back in there!
Paul Holmgren: I think I'll claim that Avery guy.
Scott Hartnell: No, please, no! *Hartnell falls.* Dammit.
Gary Bettman: Okay, this is out of hand. Party's over.
Zdeno Chara: Aww, c'mon, we haven't had dessert yet.
Kyle Wellwood: Say what??
Gary Bettman: O-o-okay, Z-zdeno, we'll have dessert. *Sweating as he looks up at Chara.*