A fan's guide to dealing with elimination

Pictured: Marc-Andre Fleury's 5-hole in NYC.  Or maybe that's the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel.  They're the same size...

For 29 NHL fan bases every season, dealing with elimination is a reality.  As much as we dread our team's last game of the season, it's very likely going to happen each year.  For some fan bases, that time has already come, and by this time next week, even more fan bases will be left wondering what went wrong.  But cheer up, because I've provided a coping method.  Here's how you deal with elimination and what to do when it happens.



Why did your team get eliminated?
a) Our goaltender's five-hole makes Michael Leighton's five-hole look microscopic.  Plus, we had so many injuries, and we're obviously the only team that had injuries all season and the refs screwed us over like a million times!  The league hates us!  It's a conspiracy!
b) We got trapped!  And that team won't even be in that city next year...
c) We choked because our superstar players disappear in the playoffs every year!
d) We ran into a really good goalie.  Dammit, I'm going to riot now.
e) We actually have no talent, so we didn't expect to go far.


How would you assess your regular season?
a) We had a good year, but we obviously would have been the best team in the league if we had all of our players healthy...
b) Aside from that one time when we lost like a million games in a row and that other time that we blew that lead, it was pretty good.
c) It was so good that our players got so into games that they were helping out from the bench and everything!
d) You know, I think the President's Trophy is prettier than the Stanley Cup, anyway.
e) We were so bad that even I could crack the lineup...

How are the Red Wings the first team to be knocked out?

Shea Weber's contract: $7.5 million.  Punching Henrik Zetterberg repeatedly: $2,500.  Beating the Red Wings in 5 games: Priceless.

Two things are certain in the playoffs: someone will lift the Stanley Cup in mid-June and the Red Wings will be in it.  For the first time since 2006, the Red Wings have been bumped out of the playoffs in the opening round.  Speculation about Nicklas Lidstrom's future and potential free agents that might sign with Detroit have already begun, but let's take a look at how the Red Wings season ended early, at the hands of the Nashville Predators.

• Late in Game 3 in Detroit, the Red Wings players skated to center ice and raised their arms, but as it turns out, it wasn't because they won, but because of a bad call by an official.
   
• Coach Mike Babcock had to scold his team multiple times after they repeatedly kept looking around at the suites in Nashville.
   
• Red Wings players were confused as to why Mike Babcock's lineup sheet included "Parise" and "Suter" and not Jiri Hudler or Nicklas Lidstrom.
   
• According to Don Cherry, the only reason Detroit lost is because they don't have any goons that could have taken on Shea Weber after Game 1.
   
• The Red Wings are now planning to suspend Pavel Datsyuk for the next four years and then bring him up so they can draw more media attention, and Jiri Hudler seems offended for some reason.