Saturday, February 25, 2012

Behind the scenes of Rick Nash trade negotiations

As you probably know by now, the Columbus Blue Jackets are trying to trade all of their good players.  Yes, Rick Nash is on the trade block.  Between the Rangers, Sharks, Maple Leafs and Kings, there's been plenty of speculation as to where Rick Nash will end up.  Of course, no matter hard General Managers try to hide these matters from the public, bloggers like me always find a way to find out what really is[n't] happening.  Take a look.

February 23rd, 3:47 PM: Kings GM Dean Lombardi calls Blue Jackets GM Scott Howson.

Lombardi: Mr. Howson, I'd like to acquire Rick Nash.

Howson: Rick...who?

Lombardi: Nash.  He's your team's captain.

Howson: Oh, yeah, sorry, I've been meaning to watch a Jackets game this season.  It just hasn't happened yet.

Lombardi: Every now and then, I do, but only if I actually want to watch lots of goals scored.

Howson: Hey, listen, the phone's ringing.  It's Brian Burke.

Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke calls Howson.

Burke: Scotty, any news on Nash?  The media's killing me, I need to make a deal!

Howson: Same here!  It was just last week that a Columbus reporter asked me a question!

Burke: ...

Howson: So how does Nash for five first round picks sound?

Burke: No, sir.  I only give up first round picks for Americans.

Howson: Fine, the deal is off.

6:30 PM: Lombardi calls Howson again.

Lombardi: I was thinking, how about Jeff Carter?

Howson: You mean that Flyers guy?

Lombardi: No, not sure where that guy went, but you have a guy named Jeff Carter.  Can I get him for Jack Johnson and a 1st round pick?

Howson: Isn't Johnson a career-minus 90?

Lombardi: Umm, yeah...

Howson: Perfect!  He'll fit right in!

February 24th, 10:13 AM: Rangers GM Glen Sather calls Howson.

Howson: Listen, Sather, I was mentioned on ESPN SportsCenter this morning for the Carter deal.  In order to be mentioned again, I must demand a great return for Rick Nash.

Sather: I have a very exciting and very agitating forward in the minors right now who will spark your team's lineup and cause a lot of trouble for the opposition...

Howson: Glen, I may look foolish, but I don't want Sean Avery.

Sather: Dammit!  How about a fine puck-moving defenseman, who...

Howson: I don't want Wade Redden, either.

Sather: You are clever, Mr. Howson.  What exactly do you want?

Howson: I was thinking McDonagh or Del Zotto plus Stepan or Dubinsky, a prospect and a 1st round draft pick?

Sather: hahahahahaha, good one, Howson!!!

Henrik Lundqvist: (*storms into Sather's office*) Wait, you're not getting rid of any defensemen, are you?

Sather: Umm, no...

Lundqvist: Oh.  Whew... (*casually walks out*)

1:25 PM: Howson calls Sharks GM Doug Wilson.

Howson: Are you still in on Nash?

Wilson: No.  I never was...

Howson: But "Hockey Insider" said you were...

Wilson: (*hangs up*)

February 25th, 1:22 PM: Sather calls Howson.

Sather: Alright.  I traded Wolski to Florida.  I have cap space.  Let's make this happen.

Howson: New idea: Lundqvist for Nash, straight up!

Sather: Mr. Howson, with all due respect, I...

Howson: I'll throw in Steve Mason!

Sather: ...

Howson: And a 1st round pick!  And Jeff Carter.  Oh, wait, never mind...

Sather: I need to think this over.  I'm not used to acquiring big name players with huge contracts.