Friday, December 17, 2010

Chris Pronger's broken foot has him out 4-6 weeks. The do's and don't's of celebrating his absence.

Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger is injured. Badly. He's out 4-6 weeks with a broken foot. Now before we all jump up and down to celebrate, look through this guide for tips of how to celebrate, but don't overdo it.

DO NOT take your team's zamboni out and do burnouts in the streets, especially in silly customes. Trust me, it's not worth the publicity you'll get. Or maybe it is. You'd have to ask Don Wadell that question.

DO host a bonfire and burn a Flyers jersey. It's just ceremonial.

DO slam a guy into the milk shelf at the supermarket. You would be making Pronger proud.

DO NOT tell Paul Holmgren to trade his first round draft pick to get Tomas Kaberle for two reasons: a) Philly hasn't had a first rounder for the past two years and b) Toronto didn't have a first rounder last year and won't have one in 2011, either.

DO call your best prospects up when you face the Flyers. They're safe now.

DO NOT worry, Pronger's salary isn't going anywhere. He's over 35.

DO NOT leave anything where Pronger could see it should you be in the same room as Chris. He might steal it or even throw it at you. That's never happened before, but I feel it's possible. Or maybe he did...

DO check the garbage cans when you leave a room with Pronger in it. Apparently that's where he puts the stuff he steals, not that there's any reason to believe he would do that.

If you're planning to honor Pronger, all you have to do is go to the front of the net and wave at the goalie...with your back turned towards him. After all, Pronger did this to honor Sean Avery.

*If you need any other advice, just tweet to Gary Bettman. He and Chris are really tight.