LEAKED: Martin Brodeur's #30 Number Retirement Speech

Here at Down Goes Avery, I used to have exclusive access to several top secret documents and confidential information surrounding the Devils and the NHL.  It's been a while, but with Martin Brodeur Night quickly approaching, I decided I should deploy my top agents and find a transcript of Marty's speech.  Low and behold, my agents did not let me down and I am posting the speech for all of you to read.*

*Disclaimer: None of this should be taken too seriously.

Martin Brodeur, pictured above, holds several New Jersey Devils franchise records,
including most wins by a goaltender to leave the team via free agency.
Photo credit: MoreThanAFan.net

NEW JERSEY DEVILS vs. EDMONTON OILERS -- February 9th, 2016

My Jersey Retirement Speech - Final Draft

First of all, thank you fans and to the New Jersey Devils organization for honoring me on this monumental night, even though I didn’t recognize anyone in the front office when I walked in here this morning.   I also want to thank the St. Louis Blues for letting me take the night off.  There comes a point in every player’s career where he realizes it’s time to retire; luckily for me, I only realized it two years late.  There have been times when I regret retiring, including last weekend, when I realized that I had more points than some of this year’s All-Stars, but for the most part, I am enjoying my new life.  It took some time adjusting to my new role, especially every time we get a new delivery of pucks to the arena, I have to remind myself not to stop them, and also not having 17,000 people shouting your name every night, but hey, sometimes Doug Armstrong shouting at me can be louder than 17,000 people!

The Aftermath of Peter DeBoer's New Jersey Devils

Hello.  It's been a while.  Things are much different than they were when I did this blog thing regularly, and that isn't exactly a good thing.  Well anyway, that was then and this is now and right now, the New Jersey Devils are going through a coaching change...again.  By the time I finish typing this, they may have already named the successor to Peter DeBoer, but if not, perhaps this will be worth a few moments of your time.


...


You're still here.  The Devils haven't hired a new coach yet?  Okay then.

So the DeBoer era is over, much to the delight of I would estimate a fairly significant majority of Devils fans, yet I cannot help but feeling that this is an unfair reflection of DeBoer's time in New Jersey.  By Lou Lamoriello's standards, DeBoer stuck around for quite some time.  It is hard to imagine any coach surviving as long as DeBoer did after missing the playoffs in back-to-back seasons and on their way to a third straight season of golfing in April, but he has and there is something to be said for that.

Welcoming new faces to the Devils

Hello.  My name is Tony (just kidding, my real name is Down Goes Avery).  This might be your first time visiting this site, or you may have followed along over the past three seasons when I used to blog regularly.  I have returned from my blogging hibernation, at least for now to bring you a look at some of the new faces on the Devils, and a glimpse at their transition from last season to this season.  We'll see how this goes and maybe I'll even do another post in the near future.  Thanks for stopping by!



NorthJersey.com
Every time I see a picture of Jagr in a Devils jersey, I think "uh, yep, that's photoshopped."
When I realize I'm wrong, I then wonder why this couldn't have happened 10 years ago.

Cory Schneider

CBS New York

Previous team: Vancouver Canucks

How he was acquired: Stolen Trade from Canucks

Transition to the Devils: Has essentially gone from backing up a well-known goalie from Montreal in Vancouver to backing up an even better known goalie from Montreal in New Jersey.

Season forecast: Will likely spend the season wondering why Devils players don't cringe every time someone says the word "playoffs."



Damien Brunner

Previous team: Detroit Red Wings

Yahoo Sports

How he was acquired: Signed from tryout

Transition to the Devils: Goes from the team with the most playoff success over the last 20 years in the Western Conference to the team with the most playoff success over the last 20 years in the Eastern Conference.

Season forecast: Will perform well, and will enjoy city life this year more than last year, now being in Newark.



Rostislav Olesz

Sport Aktuane

Previous team: Chicago Blackhawks/AHL

How he was acquired: Signed through free agency

Transition to the Devils: Once again coached by Pete DeBoer, as he was in Florida, becoming the 349th (a lot) player to come to the Devils after previously playing for DeBoer.

Season forecast: Is almost guaranteed to be at least the fourth best Czech-born player on the Devils this season.

Watch Reid Boucher score some goals for Sarnia

I think this is worth me coming out of my blogging hibernation: 2011 Devils' 4th round draft pick Reid Boucher is absolutely tearing up the Ontario Hockey League this season.  Even without teammates like Yakupov and Galchenyuk anymore, as they've moved on to the NHL, Reid Boucher is on the verge of breaking the Sarnia Sting's single-season goal scoring record.  Who holds that record?  Steven Stamkos.  Not to drop names or anything.  I spent some time on YouTube trying to gather some footage of Boucher in action, and I came up with 19 of his 22 million goals with Sarnia.*  Some are pretty, some aren't.  All I know is that this kid loves to score goals.

* slight hyperbole implied.

The NHL will lock out, and they don't care about you or me

I was heavily debating what to write about on here regarding the inevitable 2012 NHL lockout.  I thought about discussing who is to blame and why they're even negotiating a new Collective Bargaining Agreement in the first place, but every other blogger and beat writer has already tackled that, so I won't bother.  For most of you, none of what you're about to read will be breaking news, but for those who don't know, maybe this will be a little bit helpful.  If not, I've wasted 15 minutes of my day.  Oh well.

Instead of any of that, I've decided to write a brief piece directed towards fellow hockey fans.  Obviously, every hockey fan is disappointed that in all likelihood, at least part of the 2012-13 NHL season will be lost to the lockout.  Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing we, as fans, can do to get the NHL and NHLPA to work out a deal.  It's just not going to happen, no matter what we try to do.

Recently, many hockey fans have been taking to Twitter and other social media outlets with hashtags and other pleas directed at the league in the hopes of making a statement to the NHL that fans don't want another lockout.  The bitter reality, though, is that doing these kinds of things is hopelessly pointless.  The important thing to remember is that NHL owners and league management know how passionate hockey fans are, and they know that regardless of how many fans threaten to boycott the NHL, fans will come back after the lockout, and business will resume as usual.  And even if the league loses a few thousand fans, they can compensate for them rather easily.

Things that happen every 4 years

Pictured: 2 NHL toddlers.  Simon Gagne turns 8 today and Cam Ward turns 7.

It's leap day.  February 29th.  The day that comes every 4 years.  Since this day only happens every 4 years, I thought it would be appropriate to look at some other events that only occur every 4 years.  This was one of the simpler blogs posts I've written.  Take a look.

• Bob McKenzie screws up a trade on Twitter.
   
• Scott Gomez scores a goal...sometimes two.
   
• A Flyers goaltender posts a shutout.
   
• Henrik Lundqvist allows a goal.
   
• Peter Forsberg un-retires.
   
• The Devils go through 4 head coaches.
   
• Dany Heatley gets traded.  Twice.
   
• Leafs fans call for Ron Wilson's firing, two weeks after petitioning to the NHL for his Adam Trophy nomination.
   
• The Islanders win a playoff series. 

The Top 10 Hockey Stories of 2011

On the other hand, here's a guy who hasn't been in the news at all this year...

2011 is on life support today, and by tomorrow night, it'll be just another year that has come and gone.  It did, however, produce a tremendous number of dramatic news stories in the hockey world.  Let's have a look at the 2011 Year in Review in the hockey world (stories are in chronological order).


1. SIDNEY CROSBY'S CONCUSSION - The 2011 NHL Winter Classic was supposed to be a celebration of the league's two best players: Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby.  Neither player was relevant in the game itself, except for Crosby getting drilled in the head by David Steckel, which is the likely initial trigger of Crosby's concussion.  Luckily for the Penguins, if you add up the rest of their roster, they almost come close to the offensive production of Crosby.


2. THERE'S A NEW OWNER IN BUFFALO - In February 2011, Terry Pegula was approved to be the new owner of the Buffalo Sabres.  He seemed to bring a new attitude to the franchise and emphasized winning multiple championships.  The Sabres went on a shopping spree in the summer, but let's just say that Ville Leino probably wasn't worth 6 years...or even one.  Pegula says he wants to win in Buffalo, but he never really provided a time table...


3. THE BOSTON BRUINS' RUN TO THE CUP - The Bruins run to the Stanley Cup wasn't easy: they were taken to a Game 7 three times, including the Finals themselves.  Rookie sensation Tyler Seguin exploded when he entered the lineup, thus...gaining on Phil Kessel in terms of playoff points with the Bruins.  What's more: Tomas Kaberle became the first player - other than his own brother - to win a Stanley Cup despite doing absolutely nothing for the team he won with.


4. VANCOUVER CHOKES, CITY RIOTS - Despite finally getting past the Chicago Blackhawks in the playoffs, the Canucks failed to win the Cup again.  Although they were the number one team in the league in the regular season, Roberto Luongo insisted that he wanted to retain the honor of being the laughing stock of the league.  To celebrate the Canucks' epic Stanley Cup Finals collapse, Vancouver fans took to the streets and rioted violently all over the city, but they can do that because that shows that they're passionate, right?

Other celebrities that practiced with an NHL team

Celebrities visiting NHL practices are nothing new, actually.

This week, two major figures in pop culture, Michael Buble and Justin Bieber, practiced with NHL teams: the Canucks and Maple Leafs, respectively.  While I'm not sure if Jake Gardiner personally requested to meet Bieber, I can tell you that celebrities and hockey teams have mixed in the past.  Take a look and you'll see what I mean.


New York Rangers - Some claim he plays hockey professionally, but either way, the New York Rangers have invited fashion superstar Sean Avery to many of their practices.  He's even made it into the Rangers' lineup a few times.


Los Angeles Kings - The Kings reportedly invited Leonardo DiCaprio to one of their practices, however the players and DiCaprio seemed to bond when the topic of never winning a major award was brought up.


Carolina Hurricanes - As training camp began for the Hurricanes last fall, a rumor was floating around the locker room that the Jonas Brothers had been invited to their camp, judging by the spike in teenage girls surrounding the team.  Then Jeff Skinner arrived and it all made sense.


Washington Capitals - President Obama met with the locals, the Washington Capitals recently, since he hasn't met with them over a Stanley Cup celebration.  At the end of the day, most people agreed that Obama and Alexander Semin have something in common: people want them out of town next year.

NHL Power Rankings - Week of December 11th, 2011

It's that time of week again.  It's time for Week 9 of DGA's NHL Power Rankings.  This week features a new #1 and a new #30.  Yeah, be excited.


1. Detroit Red Wings (+1) - Now that's December, the Red Wings have decided to start humiliating their opposition again as a holiday present to their fans.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins (+2) - I was planning a Sidney Crosby joke, but I don't think that's appropriate...

3. Boston Bruins (-2) - Were recently shut out at home by the same Panthers team that allowed 6 goals last night.  Boston is terrible.

4. Minnesota Wild (+1) - Matt Hackett will definitely win Vezina at his current pace.

5. New York Rangers (-1) - Did their best NFC East impression with Artem Anisimov getting an unsportsmanlike penalty on a celebration.

6. Philadelphia Flyers (+1) - Following the concussion he gave Chris Pronger, Chris Pronger has now injured every player in the NHL at least once.

7. Chicago Blackhawks (-1) - I had forgotten about Marian Hossa's existence until very recently.

8. St. Louis Blues (+2) - If they keep winning under Ken Hitchcock, they might accidentally make the playoffs.

9. Florida Panthers (-1) - Getting blown out at MSG last night was only because the coaches had no complaints with this team prior to last night.

10. San Jose Sharks (-1) - Someone tell the Sharks this isn't the playoffs yet...

11. Vancouver Canucks (+4) - Alain Vigneault would normally pull Roberto Luongo after allowing three quick goals, but the Montreal native stayed in the game and his team rallied to win against the Habs.  He's making progress.

12. Dallas Stars (--) - Stars owner Tom Gaglardi says there's a huge fan base in Dallas.  He wouldn't, however, specify which sport he was speaking about.

13. Toronto Maple Leafs (-2) - Time to let Phil Kessel start running the penalty kill...

14. Nashville Predators (+4) - The Preds are coming off of wins against Columbus and Anaheim.  They face Calgary next.  I guess they're enjoying the difficult part of their schedule...

15. Phoenix Coyotes (-1) - Falling behind 5-0 in the first period to the Red Wings isn't part of Dave Tippett's system, is it?

16. Buffalo Sabres (--) - The Sabres are really hurting from Ville Leino's suspension...

17. Washington Capitals (--) - Alex Ovechkin is back to being controversial, and thus, relevant.

18. Montreal Canadiens (+1) - Tomas Kaberle is averaging two points per game with the Habs through...one game.

19. Los Angeles Kings (-6) - As a team, they've collectively scored roughly as many goals as Phil Kessel this season.  I wonder if that'll change under John Stevens...

20. Ottawa Senators (+2) - The Sens have gone from best third period team in the league to back-to-back blown third period leads, kind of like how Milan Michalek went from irrelevant to world-class sniper overnight.

21. Winnipeg Jets (-1) - *Bad Joke of the Week:* The Jets are preparing to celebrate the First Noël.

22. Calgary Flames (+4) - The Flames' recent hot streak, led by........well, I'm sure someone is playing well in Calgary.

23. Colorado Avalanche (-2) - It's a good thing the Avs have so many young forwards who can make the Avs' defense better.

24. Edmonton Oilers (-1) - Andy Sutton received his daily Shanaban today.

25. New Jersey Devils (--) - The Devils have to be considered Stanley Cup contenders with the addition of Kurtis Foster, no?

26. New York Islanders (+1) - The Islanders are picking up points lately, which has Charles Wang furious.

27. Tampa Bay Lightning (-3) - Martin St. Louis snapped his consecutive games played streak at 499.  His shoes are big shoes to fill...although not literally.

28. Columbus Blue Jackets (+2) - Upon Steve Mason's return to the lineup, expect Columbus to fall back to #30 in everyone's power rankings.

29. Carolina Hurricanes (-1) - Tomas Kaberle left town, and somehow, nobody realized it...

30. Anaheim Ducks (-1) - Mark Fraser and Rod Pelley are the best ex-Devils to play in Anaheim since Sheldon Brookbank.

Inside a Shanaban hearing: Tyler Myers' hit on Dainius Zubrus

To celebrate the one year anniversary of Down Goes Avery (November 20th, 2010), I've decided to do something crazy for today's post.  I won't bore you with the details, but this is the first-ever original Down Goes Avery video, presented by XtraNormal.com.  I hope you enjoy it.

This past Wednesday, Buffalo Sabres defenseman Tyler Myers knocked out New Jersey Devils forward Dainius Zubrus on a hit that many thought was questionable.  Well, Brendan Shanahan did review it, and as it turns out, he met with Tyler Myers and had a private hearing with him.  Luckily, I stole Down Goes Spezza's super spies for the day (shh, don't tell him...) and had them take a video of what they saw at the hearing.  Here it is.




So there you have it: inside a Shanaban session. As it turns out, Tyler Myers never made to Boston to beat up Milan Lucic, but hopefully the rematch of that Bruins-Sabres game will entertain. There will probably be another Shanaban hearing the day after that game.


Thanks for watching, I hope you enjoyed this DGA video. I'll go by ratings and comments whether or not to make another one.

Major problems in the NHL

Boucher: "Marty, your skate clipped the blue line in the defensive zone!  That is unacceptable!"

With the NHL General Managers meetings coming up soon and with what occured in last night's Flyers-Lightning game, I thought it would be a good time to look at some problems in the NHL and what can be done to fix them.  Take a look and tell me what you think.


The 1-3-1 Neutral Zone Trap

How the problem started - Guy Boucher decided he didn't want his 21-year-old Rocket Richard Trophy winner or his former Hart Trophy winner to use their offensive skill, so he developed a frustrating defensive system to annoy Gary Bettman.
Why it's a problem - The Flyers, completely unaware of the concept of dumping the puck into the zone, realized that they couldn't beat the 1-3-1 trap, so they stopped moving.  Except Chris Pronger.  Barely.
How to fix it - The Flyers need to call 28 other NHL teams, because the Lightning are the 24th best defensive team in the NHL, so apparently their trap isn't that good.


NHL teams in financial trouble

How the problem started - Team owners making short-sighted decisions, such as signing someone to a contract that consists of more years than Pierre McGuire is capable of counting.
Why it's a problem - It's not like this is Joe Paterno signing a long contract.  Oh wait, that wouldn't be good either right now...
How to fix it - Lock out the NHL for an entire season and then come back next year.  That worked last time, didn't it?


Player Visors

How the problem started - A seemingly high number of NHL players have taken pucks, sticks or rocks* to the face this season  (*not confirmed; only for individuals who wear police uniforms and work at Penn State University).
Why it's a problem - Goaltenders started playing the butterfly style, so practically nothing gets by them low anymore, forcing players to shoot high.  Damn those goalies...
How to fix it -  Either ban goalies, force players to wear visors or have Brendan Shanahan meet with every player that shoots high.


Breaking hockey sticks

How the problem started - Some guy on the Chicago Blackhawks started to curve the blade of his stick in the 1960s and well, the rest is history...
Why it's a problem - Bobby Holik retired.  Nobody uses wooden sticks anymore.
How to fix it - Tell your opponent you'd like them to play the 1-3-1.  That way you can't take any shots on goal!


Concussions

How the problem started - The threat of a suspension has always existed for players who injure other players, but Colin Campbell just wasn't very intimidating.
Why it's a problem - If NHL teams run out of players, they won't be able to play, which likely means listening to Mike Milbury more.  That would be bad.
How to fix it - Brendan Shanahan has to make sure players don't hit others from behind, use their elbows when they hit or use Brian Gionta to hit other players.


Division Re-allignment

How the problem started - Some genius idiot thought it would be a good idea to put a hockey team in Atlanta.  Now, they've re-located to Winnipeg.
Why it's a problem - Having Winnipeg in the Southeast division works as well as trying to get good goaltending in Philadelphia: it doesn't.
How to fix it - Put all 30 teams' names into a hat and pick divisions that way.  It works for the MLB and NFL.


Shootouts

How the problem started - Since people don't like to see ties in sports, the NHL added a skills competition to determine which team got make an excuse to give the Penguins an extra point.
Why it's a problem - "Old school" hockey fans, goaltenders not named Brodeur and Ranger fans don't think the shootout is a fair way to determine
How to fix it - Force three players on each team to trip each other on breakaways and then call three random penalty shots for each team.


Low scoring games

How the problem started - Guy Boucher modified the notoriously hated, yet commonly used neutral zone trap invented by Jacques Lemaire.
Why it's a problem - Despite Henrik Zetterberg saying it isn't a problem, players get bored when they play the trap, and they think they're in a skate-in-circles dancing competition.  Just ask Chris Pronger.
How to fix it - Have the Flyers play the Winnipeg Jets every other night and force both teams to start any goalie on their rosters.


Collective Bargaining Agreement

How the problem started - In 2005, the NHL and NHLPA agreed to a new CBA after cancelling an entire season.  In the summer of 2012, that CBA expires.
Why it's a problem - The last CBA was a disaster for the NHL.  I mean, worse than Rick DiPietro's contract disaster...
How to fix it - Don't let anyone from the NBA negotiations enter any NHL CBA meetings.

*Picture is taken from http://bigbadblog.weei.com/sports/boston/hockey/bruins/2011/05/09/fun-with-1-3-1-how-the-lightning-beat-teams-in-the-neutral-zone/guy-boucher/

NHL 2011-12: Contender of pretender?

We're far enough into the NHL season (every team has played at least 10 games...except the Islanders) where we can begin to seperate the contenders from the pretenders.  These are the teams that we're not really used to seeing in prominent positions in the NHL standings.  I think you know where this is headed: I've created a guide to help you decide whether a team is a contender of pretender.


Toronto Maple Leafs: 8-3-1 (17 points: 2nd in NHL)

Why they're contenders: The magic of Phil Kessel, who leads the NHL in every category other than most goaltenders injured.
Why they're pretenders: Kessel's 23.8 shooting percentage and MacArthur's 26.7 shooting percentage is as inflated as the real estate market was four years ago.
Verdict: Does the Leafs' planned parade route stop by the Hockey Hall of Fame? ... Sorry, force of habit...



Dallas Stars: 8-3-0 (16 points: Tied for 3rd in NHL)

Why they're contenders: Dallas has revived Sheldon Souray and Jamie Benn scores goals that make Blue Jackets players wonder why they're even in the NHL.
Why they're pretenders: Didn't they get off to a good start last year too?
Verdict: Even if they lose every game for the rest of the season, they'll be the 3rd best team of the 4 major sports in the Dallas area.


Edmonton Oilers: 7-2-2 (16 points: Tied for 3rd in NHL)

Why they're contenders: Two first overall picks in a row probably will make your team better, eventually.
Why they're pretenders: Linus Omark was sent down to the AHL, so the Oilers have no incentive to win shootouts now.
Verdict: Nail Yakupov could really help them long-term...


Phoenix Coyotes: 6-3-2 (14 points: Tied for 8th in NHL)

Why they're contenders: As long as they're coached by Dave Tippett and have a goaltender who knows what pads are, they'll be decent.
Why they're pretenders: The Coyotes' owners apparently tend to cancel things and lose a lot of money for a lot of people.
Verdict: The team's shooting percentage is 9.7%, which is approximately the percentage of seats that have ever been filled for hockey games at Jobing.com Arena, give or take 9%.


Colorado Avalanche: 7-5-0 (14 points: Tied for 8th in NHL)

Why they're contenders: Ryan O'Byrne has already scored a goal this year.  To clarify, it was a goal for the Avs...
Why they're pretenders: If they keep waiting on the potential of Erik Johnson, they'll be waiting longer than Islander fans waiting for Brian Rolston's stick to strike the puck when he loads up.
Verdict: Somehow, the Avs are 7-5, but the team is a combined -37 in terms of +/- rating.


Ottawa Senators: 7-6-0 (14 points: Tied for 8th in NHL)

Why they're contenders: They've played 13 games, and they don't have 13 losses yet.
Why they're pretenders: Sens players have reportedly talked about winning some huge silver Cup this year.  C'mon, the Calder Cup isn't that big...
Verdict: Losing to the 2nd worst team in the NHL normally wouldn't be unusual for Ottawa, since they're usually right behind that team.  That wasn't the case this week.


Florida Panthers: 6-4-1 (13 points: Tied for 12th in NHL)

Why they're contenders: They renovated their roster coming into this season by signing every free agent available.

Why they're pretenders: Their signings of guys like.......oh, so they didn't really sign anyone good?!

Verdict: It's about quality, not quantity...unless you're talking about getting fans to attend home games.

 

 

Minnesota Wild: 5-3-3 (13 points: Tied for 12th in NHL)

 

Why they're contenders: They've had some dramatic moments already this season, and even Dany Heatley seems exciting to be on the team.

Why they're pretenders: Heatley hasn't experienced a Minnesota winter yet.  That's when trade rumors could surface.

Verdict: They're still the only team in NHL history to have never outshot their opponent in any game.  Okay, that's a minuscule exaggeration...

 

 

Carolina Hurricanes: 5-4-3 (13 points: Tied for12th in the NHL)

 

Why they're contenders: They're always in contention...at least until the last day of the season when all they need to do is win one home game to make the playoffs.

Why they're pretenders: Eric Staal is a -13 and Tomas Kaberle still thinks he's good.

Verdict: As a side note, Jeff Skinner told his team he was participating in No-Shave November.  The team is still laughing at him.

Top secret: NHL's annual Halloween party

Every year, the NHL hosts a top secret Halloween party at an unknown catering hall in New York City.  Why NYC?  Because Gary Bettman lives nearby and whatever he wants...happens.  Through some hard work and research, I was able to find out where the party was this year, and well, here's what happened.


Gary Bettman (dressed as Mario Lemieux): Good evening, everyone, I'd like to welcome you to the NHL's annual Halloween Party.  I'd like to especially welcome all of the rookies and first-timers here tonight.  We have an open bar, so enjoy everyone!

*Gabriel Landeskog, Jeff Skinner, Adam Larsson, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and many other under-21 players run over to the open bar, only to be escorted into a small private room with Brendan Shanahan.

Brian Burke (dressed as a wizard): Evening, Pete.  How's it going?

Peter Chiarelli (dressed as a bear): It's going well, Brian, and you?  (*flashes Burke his Stanley Cup ring*)

Brian Burke: Good.  Glad to hear that.  You know...

Peter Chiarelli (interrupts): Yes, I know, Phil Kessel leads the league in goal scoring.  (Burke smiles)  But I have a ring.

Sean Avery (dressed as a clown) - (interrupts both Burke and Chiarelli): Hey guys.  Wanna put a claim in for me?  (Chiarelli and Burke stare at each other, and awkwardly walk away.)

Rick DiPietro (dressed as a hockey goalie): Hey Jack, how are you?

Jack Capuano (dressed as Mets pitcher Chris Capuano): Doing well, Ricky.  *Shakes DiPietro's hand.*

Rick DiPietro: Owwww!!  *Falls to the ground in pain.*

Jack Capuano: *Calls across the room* Garth, Rick is done for the season!

Jeff Skinner (dressed as Giants pitcher Brian Wilson): Come here, guys, I found a secret entrance to the bar!  *Skinner leads the under-21 players into the bar and pours them drinks.

Andrew Ladd: (to his Jets teammates): Who is that guy over at the buffet?  That's not.......oh no.  *walks over to buffet table.*  Kyle, how much food can you possibly eat?

Kyle Wellwood (dressed as Santa Claus): Hey, I'm just trying to be authentic...

Alex Ovechkin (dressed as Superman): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Chris Pronger (dressed as a boxer): Shutup! *Elbows Ovechkin to the ground.* 

Alex Ovechkin: Hey, Chris, look at what that guy wrote on my Twitter!

Brendan Shanahan (dressed as a traffic cop): Hey, Pronger, Gary told me to keep a close eye on you tonight.

Chris Pronger: Dammit.  *Shrugs shoulders and heads to the penalty room.*

Brendan Shanahan: Pronger, keep an eye on the kids in there.

Pavel Datsyuk: *Walks around the room stealing everyone's drinks.*  Here you go, Nik.

Nikolai Khabibulin: Thanks, Pavel.  You're so good at playing your role in real life.

Dany Heatley (sitting at a table with his teammates): Hey, can someone get me a drink?  I'm too lazy to get it myself.

Ilya Bryzgalov (dressed as a hunter in the woods): Hey bartender, can I get a refill?

Bartender: Sure.  *Slides a shot glass down the front of the bar, Bryzgalov misses it and it falls off the edge of the bar.*

Jonathan Quick: Look out!  *Sprints over to the bar and dives to catch the shot glass.*

Ilya Bryzgalov: Nice save, Quick.

*Suddenly, someone dressed as Roadrunner from Looney Tunes races across the room.*

Rick DiPietro (still on the floor): Was that Grabs?

Glen Sather (dressed as Michael Swenson, who was one of the members of Goldman Sachs blamed for poor investment decisions): Damn, I have to sign that Grabner kid.

Gary Bettman: Glen, you're not tampering with anyone, are you?  You know we have integrity in this league, right?

Zach Parise: Hey Gary, he was talking to me too.

Shea Weber: Me too!

Gary Bettman: Does anyone feel the ground shaking?  *Ground shakes.*

Zdeno Chara (dressed as the Hulk): Sorry I'm late.

Brian Burke: Mike, go make yourself useful.

Mike Komisarek: Sorry, Brian, I don't think I can do that.

Ron Wilson: Ha, he got that right...

Bruce Boudreau (dressed as Eminem): *Slams his foot on a chair.*  What the @#$%?  This &!@#$% chair, oh @!#$.

Paul Bissonnette (dressed as Dan Carcillo): Hey Danny, did you see this costume?  *Shows Dan Carcillo (dressed as Paul Bissonnette) his cell phone.*

*Avery approaches BizNasty and Carcillo, and they eventually start a brawl, destroying everything in sight.

Chris Pronger: Hey, I want a part of this!  *Jumps on top of Avery.*

Brendan Shanahan: *Blows referee whistle.*  Hey, Pronger, get back in there!

Paul Holmgren: I think I'll claim that Avery guy.

Scott Hartnell: No, please, no!  *Hartnell falls.*  Dammit.

Gary Bettman: Okay, this is out of hand.  Party's over.

Zdeno Chara: Aww, c'mon, we haven't had dessert yet.

Kyle Wellwood: Say what??

Gary Bettman: O-o-okay, Z-zdeno, we'll have dessert.  *Sweating as he looks up at Chara.*

NHL Power Rankings - Week of October 30th, 2011

Welcome to Week 3 of DGA's NHL Power Rankings.  This is becoming a regular feature on this site, just as Detroit is a regular member of the NHL playoffs every season.  There is another new #1, as the Caps have dropped 4 straight.  I don't think I was alive the last time this team was ranked #1 in any power rankings.


1. Toronto Maple Leafs (+6) - The 7-3-1 Leafs have the league's leading scorer and with a win in New Jersey on Wednesday, they'll be one point behind Pittsburgh with two games at hand.  That in itself is pretty funny.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins (--) - When the Pens saw Rick DiPietro come into the game for the shootout for the Isles the other night, you can't help but wonder if the Pens' strategy was to crash the net...

3. Dallas Stars (+2) - Now that they have Sheldon Souray, Dallas fans can finally get over letting Sergei Zubov go.

4. Los Angeles Kings (--) - Look, the Kings are good, but how do you end a shutout streak to the New Jersey Devils?

5. Washington Capitals (-4) - Tomas Vokoun may want to take some puck-handling lessons from a goalie who has actually touched a puck before.

6. San Jose Sharks (+3) - All that separates San Jose from a perfect road trip is a stop at the "new" MSG.  Don't be fooled, though, the arena might be new, but the good old Rangers still play there.

7. Colorado Avalanche (-4) -

8. Edmonton Oilers (+8) - The only thing more entertaining than an Oilers shootout this season: Ryan Whitney's sarcastic Twitter account.

9. Chicago Blackhawks (-1) - It's safe to say the Blackhawks' Stanley Cup Hangover is over.

10. Florida Panthers (+3) - Panthers fans seem to have forgotten the existence of Tomas Vokoun, and for good reason.

11. Ottawa Senators (+15) - Their team goals against average is creeping downward which means one thing: the Sens are getting better goaltending.  Yeah, time to watch out for these powerhouse Sens.

12. Vancouver Canucks (-1) - Vancouver is starting to look like the old Canucks again: lots of scoring and continuous adventures of Roberto Luongo.

13. Buffalo Sabres (-3) - If you add up Ville Leino's career totals, you'd get numbers that would impress you...if it was all one season.

14. Philadelphia Flyers (-2) - Do Flyer fans miss Leighton and Boucher yet?

15. Detroit Red Wings (-9) - The Wings awarded the first win of the season to the Blue Jackets and have lost four straight.  I think the last time Detroit lost four straight were the first four games after Gordie Howe left Hockeytown.

16. Tampa Bay Lightning (-1) - Leading scorer Marc-Andre Bergeron, a defenseman, is on pace for about 90 points this season.

17. Nashville Predators (+6) - Mike Fisher's return to the Preds' lineup has sparked the team offensively and also caused distractions to cameramen.

18. St. Louis Blues (-4) - Entering this season, Brian Elliott had a career goals against average of nearly 3.00 and a save percentage under .900.  This season, he's sporting a 1.67 and .942.  It's funny what leaving Ottawa can do for you.

19. Minnesota Wild (+2) -  The Wild are doing alright, but despite adding Setoguchi and Heatley, they're continuing their tradition of being mediocre offensively.

20. Montreal Canadiens (+8) - Sweeping a home-and-home with the Bruins has given Montreal a big boost.  This is usually where Carey Price comes along and brings them back down...

21. Phoenix Coyotes (+6) - If a hockey team wins a game and there are no witnesses, did the hockey team really win the game?

22. Anaheim Ducks (-5) - At 41, Teemu Selanne isn't quite averaging a point per game anymore.  Well, we knew the end was coming sooner or later.

23. Calgary Flames (+6) - Wasn't it this time last year when people said Jarome Iginla was done?  4 points in 9 games so far, is he done again?

24. Carolina Hurricanes (-2) - Captain Eric Staal is an un-Staal-like -13 this season.

25. Boston Bruins (-7) - 7 of Boston's 10 games have come at home.  7 of their 10 games have been losses.  Does Stanley Cup Hangover refer to the Red Sox giving the Bruins beer between periods?

26. New York Islanders (-7) - Rick DiPietro took the shootout loss to the Penguins the other night despite not playing a second of regulation or overtime for the Isles in the game.  Perhaps this is Jack Capuano's new way of humiliating the "franchise goaltender."

27. New Jersey Devils (-7) - For the Devils, scoring is nearly impossible to come by.  For Lou Lamoriello, scoring is impossible to buy.

28. New York Rangers (-3) - The transformation of MSG has led to new and more exciting ways the Rangers find to lose games.

29. Winnipeg Jets (-5) - The Jets scored 9 goals in Philadelphia and then got shut out by the Lightning the following game.  On the bright side, they allowed 8 goals in Philadelphia and allowed just one to Tampa Bay.  That team is learning...

30. Columbus Blue Jackets (--) - The Jackets are technically only one game under .500 at home.  It's a shame they don't have as many home games as the rest of the league.

How to tell if your team has a goaltending problem

For obvious reasons, last night's 17 goal shootout in Philadelphia raised more questions about the Flyers' goaltending situation.  That seems to be a common theme and Flyers tradition over the past decades.  But it isn't only the Flyers who have goaltending issues.  Check out this helpful guide to see if your team is facing goaltending issues.


No Problem - Your team's starting goalie has developed a creative dance that he performs at the end of every victory.
Problem - Your team's starting goalie has apparently forgot the dance because he can't use it.

No problem - Your team's goalie uses pads as massive as Henrik Lundqvist...or your team's starting goalie is Henrik Lundqvist.
Problem - Your team's "starting" goalie seems alarmed when the siren sounds to end a period, since he usually doesn't make it to the end of a period.

No problem - Your general manager signed a goaltender to a cheap contract because he wants to win a Stanley Cup, even though nobody else on your team wants to win the Cup.
Problem - Your team's goaltender drives a Ferrari and likes to race through the desert.

No problem - Martin Brodeur recently asked your team's goalie to borrow his pads.
Problem - That goalie becomes a free agent soon, and judging by your team's track record with goalies, that isn't a good thing.

No problem - Your team's goalie has won a pair of Vezina trophies over the past three seasons.
Problem - Your team's goalie has won a pair of Vezina's, but refuses to score goals to support him.

No problem - It's July and your team's general manager just signed a star goaltender to a long contract.
Problem - It's October, and that same goaltender somehow got lost in the woods.

No problem - Your team is coached by Dave Tippett.
Problem - If your team is coached by Dave Tippett, you have other things to worry about than goaltending.

No problem - When asked about his team's goaltending situation, your team's general manager simply replies "status quo."
Problem - Your team's head coach says "we need to start playing as well as the Senators," and he means it.

No problem - Your team has a goalie named Jonathan, and another named Jonathan to back him up.
Problem - Your opponent fires their assistant coach and has their captain steamroll goalies.

No problem - You have Nicklas Lidstrom on your team.
Problem - You have Brett Lebda on your team.

Problem - Your team's goaltender has ever heard of the Flyers.
Even worse problem - Your team's goaltender is under contract for the better part of the decade with the Canucks.
Worst problem of them all - Your team's goaltender has a contract for this decade and part of the next with the Islanders.

Looking at the NHL's teenage players

It seems that there are more teenage NHL players than ever this year.  Many of them are transitioning from juniors, college or European leagues to the NHL quite smoothly.  This week, I'm taking a look at some of the youngest and most talented players in the NHL today.


Jonathon Blum - Nashville Predators

• He's by far the best NHL player from Long Beach, California.
• His last name is a bit difficult to pronounce, so Don Cherry is convinced that he's actually a fruit.  Also, he's American, so Don Cherry hates him anyway.
• According to a source that shall not be mentioned (*Eklund*), Blum's presence means that the Preds have no use for Shea Weber and will trade him in March.

Brett Connolly - Tampa Bay Lightning

• Brian Burke tried to secretly steal him by putting Tim Connolly on the Lightning roster.
• Guy Boucher thought he and Martin St. Louis might have chemistry together, but that was immediately scrapped when Connolly kept missing St. Louis with passes because he couldn't find St. Louis.
• Victor Hedman calls him "the kid."  Ironic.

Sean Couturier - Philadelphia Flyers

• He hasn't figured out Paul Holmgren's sarcasm yet, as Holmgren promised not to trade him immediately after he signed his entry-level contract.
• He's tried some different positions out in practice, and if the whole Bryzgalov thing doesn't work out, he may try goaltending too.
• He plays a calm and confident game, which means Chris Pronger hasn't pulled him aside yet.

Tim Erixon - New York Rangers

• He refused to sign with the Calgary Flames because he didn't want to be the only player on the team not invited to the Flames' AARP Christmas Party in December.
• He also refused to sign with the Flames when Darryl Sutter promised him a no-trade clause.
• He looks up to Wade Redden, but only when it comes to cashing in.

Jake Gardiner - Toronto Maple Leafs

• He's so young that he's never heard of Wendel Clark.
• He has turned Francois Beauchemin into a Toronto hero.
• He's trying to learn the words to "O Canada," but nobody else on the Leafs is able to help him.

Erik Gudbranson - Florida Panthers

• He's often compared to Dion Phaneuf, yet anyone who makes that comparison is then knocked out...by Phaneuf.
• To become acclimated with the fans, he set up a public signing.  He met approximately no fans.
• He was in elementary school the time last time the Panthers were in the playoffs.

Cody Hodgson - Vancouver Canucks

• He has never been mistaken as Daniel or Henrik Sedin.
• After not playing much in the NHL last year, fans asked him why he didn't start riots when he didn't play.
• Rumor has it he couldn't make the Canucks team last season because he couldn't perfect his diving skills.

Gabriel Landeskog - Colorado Avalanche

• He still claims he's Swedish, but his Swedish accent is terrible.
• He's decided to be a clutch goal-scorer early in his career.  If this continues into the playoffs, he will certainly never play in Washington D.C. or San Jose.
• He's taken advice from Peter Forsberg, but every time he does, he feels a bit achy.

Adam Larsson - New Jersey Devils

• He's drawn comparisons to Nicklas Lidstrom.  This guarantees that Larsson will never retire.
• He likes to join the rush and make offensive plays, which is one of the reasons that Jacques Lemaire is scared of him.
• He's never heard of John MacLean, and because of that, he has a chance to be a good player.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins - Edmonton Oilers

• He might not even be the best first overall pick on his own team.
• He likes to win, despite playing for the Oilers.
• He and Taylor Hall plan to boycott Steve Tambellini's annual 1st Overall Pick party next June.

Mike Zibanejad - Ottawa Senators

• He has a name formed from random Scrabble tiles.
• He found scoring at the NHL level surprisingly easy, but then realized it was harder once he left Sens' practice.
• Every time he talks about winning the Stanley Cup, his teammates become confused.

NHL Power Rankings - Week of October 23rd, 2011

Welcome to DGA's Week 2 NHL Power Rankings.  There is a new #1 after Saturday night's lopsided battle of undefeated teams.  There's also a new #30.  Awesome.  For a complete list of all 30 NHL teams and their records, click here.


1. Washington Capitals (+2) - Tomas Vokoun has stepped up big-time for the Caps of late.  Then again, even Vesa Toskala could probably win a game when the Caps put up 7 against Detroit.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins (--) - James Neal has taken the NHL by storm this season.  If he started shooting from areas other than the goal line, he could do even better.

3. Colorado Avalanche (+3) - The Avs are turning into road warriors this season, having won their sixth game in six tries away from home last night.  What would help them at home is if their goal horn didn't sound like a dying cow.

4. Los Angeles Kings (+7) - L.A. is coming off a 4-0-0 week, including three straight shutouts by Jonathan Quick, however Drew Doughty has just one assist in four games this season.  Whoever decided it was a good idea to give him such a big contract should learn some lessons about signing superstars...

5. Dallas Stars (+3) - Dallas is off to a strong start this season, just like last season.  Also like last season, they're led by the best forward the media thinks you've never heard of...even thought you've heard of Loui Eriksson.

6. Detroit Red Wings (-5) - In hindsight, starting their backup goalie in Washington after starting Howard against Columbus wasn't really the best idea...

7. Toronto Maple Leafs (--) - Mikhail Grabovski scored a pretty overtime goal in Montreal last night, but then again, Habs players are essentially traffic cones right now, in terms of movement and size.

8. Chicago Blackhawks (+8) - Chicago looks to be on its way to a rebound season after a first round exit from last year's playoffs.  Something else to note: last time Ray Emery was in the NHL, his team lost to Chicago in the Cup Finals.  I don't think Chicago will lose to Chicago this year, though.

9. San Jose Sharks (+15) - Joe Thornton played his 1,000th regular season NHL game this week.  It's important to note that it was in fact regular season, because even though his stat-card says he's played in 109 playoff games, you have to wonder if he's actually showed up for any of them.

10. Buffalo Sabres (-1) - Has anyone stopped to think about what would happen to Rick Jeanneret if the Buffalo Sabres were to win the Stanley Cup?

11. Vancouver Canucks (+6) - Ryan Kesler's return to the lineup against the Rangers this past week didn't pay off immediately, partially because Henrik Lundqvist was so busy stopping everything including the post-game riots.  The Canucks have won two straight since then.

12. Philadelphia Flyers (-8) - The Flyers dropped their first two games of the season this week, but at least they've got their number one goaltender playing well, he is playing...

13. Florida Panthers (+7) - The Panthers players might want to cancel their vacation plans for late April and could be to spend more time in Miami instead.

14. St. Louis Blues (+8) - Jason Arnott continues to work wonders for the Blues, which begs the question: how much longer will he last in St. Louis before Lou Lamoriello gets him back?

15. Tampa Bay Lightning (+8) - Tampa has only allowed one goal over its last two games after allowing 25 goals in their first give games.  The general feeling in Tampa Bay right now is that less is more, at least when talking to Martin St. Louis.

16. Edmonton Oilers (+5) - Ryan Nugent-Hopkins won't be returned to Juniors this season.  The bad news is that this means the Oilers are a better team, and thus won't have a legitimate shot at landing their third straight first overall pick this coming June.

17. Anaheim Ducks (-5) - The Ducks' big three are "saving it" for the playoffs.  How they're planning to get to the playoffs may become a bit of a problem.

18. Boston Bruins (-5) - Bruins fans were thanking Phil Kessel for indirectly giving their team Tyler Seguin, but Kessel has scored more than Seguin and his team is better than Seguin's at the moment.  I guess in Boston's twisted way of looking at things, they are better right now.

19. New York Islanders (-14) - Planet Earth welcomed back John Tavares this week, as the Isles look more like the Isles we've come to know recently.

20. New Jersey Devils (-10) - Down Zajac and Josefson, the Devils will spend Monday holding auditions to find another center.  Any fan who owns a jersey is invited.

21. Minnesota Wild (-7) - The Wild really need to work on protecting leads with 0.5 seconds to go in the 3rd period.  Teaching Dany Heatley to not act like a goat in overtime would help too.

22. Carolina Hurricanes (-3) - Blowing a 2-0 lead by allowing five straight goals to Winnipeg really hurt them.  The fact that Brian Boucher was their goaltender makes it far more understandable, though.

23. Nashville Predators (-8) - Pekka Rinne allowed four goals in one period to Vancouver, but he did shut out the Calgary Flames.  I'm not sure which performance was more impressive, honestly.

24. Winnipeg Jets (+6) - The Jets have been playing better recently.  It must be the lovely buffet Kyle Wellwood keeps taking his team to after each win.

25. New York Rangers (+2) - In short, Henrik Lundqvist is the difference between the Rangers having a single point this season in the NHL and being demoted to the AHL.

26. Ottawa Senators (+2) - If Ottawa's impressive come-from-behind victory last night had been against any team other than Columbus, it might actually cause people to take the Sens slightly more seriously.

27. Phoenix Coyotes (-9) - I think it's safe to say Phoenix probably shouldn't have drafted Kyle Turris third overall in 2007.

28. Montreal Canadiens (-3) - The highlight of the week for the Habs: Brian Gionta injuring James Reimer.  Well, that and Carey Price's apparent save in practice.

29. Calgary Flames (-3) - The Flames weren't awful this week, but expecting them to hold on and have a good year is like expecting Matt Cooke to not end at least one player's career this season: it just won't happen.

30. Columbus Blue Jackets (-1) - Blowing a lead and losing in regulation by allowing two goals in the last 36 seconds of a game to Ottawa is a very clever way to continue their quest to Fail for Nail.

Worst NHL giveaway ideas ever

The plastic rat idea in Florida was a bad idea.  But you'd be surprised how many other promotions have gone wrong...

http://proicehockey.about.com/od/stanleycupbunker/ig/Stanley-Cup-Gallery/florida-rats-1996-Glenn-Cratty.htm

Every now and then, you'll see a bizarre promotion to sell a particular sporting event.  Some famous examples of this include Disco Night in Chicago for the White Sox, Reggie Bars Day at Yankee Stadium and the plastic rat giveaway for the Panthers.  But there are some even weirder promotional ideas that never actually make it out of the meeting rooms.  Luckily, I've been able to get a pretty decent list of some promotional ideas from the NHL.  Take a look.


Winnipeg Jets - The Jets had to scrap two ideas already this year.

• Similar to a campaign run by the New Jersey Devils this season, the Winnipeg Jets talked about a ticket offer in which a fan could buy a regulaly-priced ticket to a Jets home game and receive a $10 food card as a bonus.  Unfortunately, Kyle Wellwood found out about this and tried to buy 15,000 tickets to Opening Night.
• The Jets then turned to their Plan B: Any fan to purchase a box for a single game would be eligible for free boating lessons.  This also created a problem, because Dustin Byfuglien wiped out all of the tickets before the public could access them.

Boston Bruins

• The Bruins talked about giving all children in attendance to their Opening Night game against the Flyers a replica Stanley Cup ring, but then considered that there might be some Flyers fans at the game.  For the safety of the young Flyers fans, who would be very confused by the sight of a championship ring, the Bruins cancelled the promotion.
• Since fan ring night didn't work, the Bruins talked about Tomas Kaberle Bobblehead Night.  Then they remembered he doesn't play for them anymore.  They hardly noticed.

New York Rangers

• Last season, Glen Sather and Rangers management ran a test of their Fan King Henrik Crown that they planned to give to fans this season.  Strangely, as soon as the playoffs began, the crowns began to fall apart and break.  This caused the giveaway to be ruined.  It turned out to be a huge waste of money...

Edmonton Oilers

• The Oilers were planning to release a huge promotion about the Big Three: Taylor Hall, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Nail Yakupov all being drafted first overall by the Oilers in consecutive seasons.  Then they remembered that Columbus, Ottawa and Winnipeg were in the NHL this season.
• The Oilers bounced back from their failed poster giveaway by planning Ferrari Die-Cast car night, as all kids in attendance to Oilers home games would receive a die-cast Ferrari with a player's number on it.  In a strange series of events, all of the Nikolai Khabibulin cars seemed to speed out of control every time someone opened one from its packaging.

Dallas Stars

• After plans to have giveaways involving Mike Modano and Brad Richards, the Stars' marketing department decided to create a better fan experience.  They attempted to accomplish this by building a fan's lounge so that fans could escape the Dallas heat by spending time at a comfortable lounge before Stars home games.  The problem occured when the marketing department found Sheldon Souray sound asleep in the lounge during practice.

Calgary Flames

• The Flames decided to start a program to help kids manage their money better, so they scheduled piggy bank giveaway night.  The idea was great, but every time someone dropped a coin into the piggy bank, it got stuck and the piggy bank started to overflow quickly.  This confused Darryl Sutter.

Vancouver Canucks

• Out of nowhere, the Canucks planned Green Spandex Suit giveaway night, in which every single fan in attendance would get a suit just like the Green Men.  This created two problems: it angered the Green Men and caused city police a great deal of havoc trying to identify people during the post-game riots.

Montreal Canadiens

• In a very generous gesture, Habs players donated a bunch of their actual game-worn jerseys to the Bell Centre to use as fan raffle items.  The problem with this is that none of the jerseys fit the fans that won them.  The arena measured the fans who complained, and found out that the average height of a Habs fan is taller than 5'7".

New Jersey Devils

• The Devils actually had a fireworks display following the home game on New Year's Eve.  This sounded like a good idea, but they forgot to inform Newark Police about the promotion as the city's first responders searched in fear of a frantic shooter.

Chicago Blackhawks

• In an attempt to re-live their Stanley Cup Championship, the Hawks gave all of their fans a customized video game where the player had to win 16 games to win the Stanley Cup as many seasons in a row as possible.  Unfortunately, due to a strange game glitch, nobody could ever win more than one in a row, because after the first Cup was won, the simulator traded the entire team away to save salary cap space.

New York Islanders

• Hoping that their team would still be playing in the hot months, such as June, the Islanders gave all fans to select home games a hand-held fan to keep themselves cool.  The fault in this promotion was whenever someone pointed the fan in the direction of the rink, Rick DiPietro would immediately fall over in pain.

Nashville Predators

• In anticipation of another playoff run this season, Nashville management tried to put together a motivational DVD to excite fans about another trip to the playoffs.  This promotion failed when they realized they didn't actually have any footage of the Predators' playoff games because the cameramen kept focusing on Carrie Underwood the whole time.

Detroit Red Wings

• The Red Wings were planning Chris Osgood Night in Detroit, and as a bonus, all fans in attendance were going to get an interactive Osgood figurine featuring a mini-puck and stick to shoot at Osgood.  Then the Wings' staff soon noticed that the mini-Osgood was unable to stop virtually any puck thrown at it.  That would have been too authentic.

Tampa Bay Lightning

• Following a long playoff run last spring, the Lightning wanted to assure fans that they weren't a one year wonder.  They set up a promotion that the fewer goals the Lightning allowed in a game, the bigger of a discount fans could get to an upcoming game.  This plan was scrapped because management didn't want fans paying ten times the actual value of the ticket.

NHL Power Rankings - Week of October 16th, 2011

We're now over a full week into the 2011-12 NHL season, and every team has played at least a handful of games already, so let's take a look through DGA's first ever NHL Power Rankings.


1. Detroit Red Wings - Red Wings are 4-0 this season, including a pair of shutouts against Colorado and Vancouver, and those two teams have been strong offensively.  I just have one question: if Nicklas Lidstrom wins the Hart Trophy, Norris Trophy, Conn Smythe and Stanley Cup this season, will he retire?  I doubt it.

2. Pittsburgh Penguins - Pittsburgh may have lost their first game in regulation last night, but in case you haven't heard, they do have two superstars expected to return to their lineup pretty soon.  And then there's this: if you mess with Pittsburgh's superstars, Arron Asham will most definitely ruin your face.

3. Washington Capitals - The Caps haven't lost yet, although they tried to hand Ottawa a win last night.  Of course, with Ottawa being Ottawa, they refused.  If Tomas Vokoun stops doing his best Washington Capitals goalie imitation, the Caps may be on their way to a deep playoff run this season: at least 8 games.

4. Philadelphia Flyers - The Flyers have only used one goaltender so far this season, which is remarkable, considering they've played more than one period this season.  Jaromir Jagr and "Baby Mario" have been exciting to watch, but what happens when Michael Leighton sneaks into the Flyers' locker room and decides that he's back?  It'll be all downhill from there.

5. New York Islanders - The last time I saw the Islanders fifth in anything, it was fifth in the Atlantic Division, but now, that's not the reason.  Sure, "franchise goaltender" Rick DiPietro is injured again........again, Al Montoya and Evgeni Nabokov have done the job so far.  And then there's John Tavares, who thinks he's Wayne Gretzky.  Who knows, maybe he is...

6. Colorado Avalanche - The Avs have been storming through eastern Canada this week, following a win against the defending champs.  Their offensive firepower was aided by Carey Price doing his 2009 Carey Price impression and facing the Ottawa Senators, but give the Avs credit.

7. Toronto Maple Leafs - Not to pick on Ottawa anymore, but the Leafs nearly let a 5-goal lead slip away in the third period against the Sens recently.  Nonetheless, the Leafs are 3-0 and Phil Kessel looks like he bought himself a supercharger over the summer.  Perhaps this is the year the Leafs make it back to the playoffs?  Well, winning 79 more games would certainly help their cause...

8. Dallas Stars - The Stars are 4-1.  Who needs Brad Richards anyway?  The young sensation return of Sheldon Souray has stabilized Dallas on the back end, too.  Still, the Stars got off to a terrific start last season and then collapsed down the stretch.  It's way too early to buy into them as far as playoffs are concerned.

9. Buffalo Sabres - The Sabres bounced back from a tough loss to Carolina Friday to win in Pittsburgh Saturday.  It seems like Christian Ehrhoff plays the entire game, and Tyler Myers plays the rest these days...if that made any sense at all.  If Thomas Vanek decides that he wants to score 40 goals this season, Buffalo is going to be tough.  Oh yeah and their goaltending isn't that bad, either.

10. New Jersey Devils - The Devils have faced Bryzgalov, Ward, Quick and Rinne this season, yet they've lost just one game.  That's quite an improvement from last season.  Ilya Kovalchuk isn't likely to be a healthy scratch this season, but he is likely to play more minutes per game than Mattias Tedenby will play all season.  The problem is, the Devils are only the 4th best team in their own division right now.

11. Los Angeles Kings - Philly West beat Philly East last night in the return of Mike Richards (and Simon Gagne again) to Philadelphia.  The Kings will finally get a chance to play at home on Tuesday, but the injury to Drew Doughty is concerning.  Let's hope he doesn't use his time off to start working on a new contract...

12. Anaheim Ducks - If hockey teams were made up of two forward lines and two defensive pairings, Anaheim might be the best team in hockey.  Well, except for the fact that none of their top three forwards (Perry, Getzlaf, Ryan) have recorded a point this season.  In all likelihood, those three will have to get going, because it is unlikely that Maxime Macenauer is going to carry Anaheim offensively this season.

13. Boston Bruins - So the Bruins have Stanley Cup hangover...  They edged the Blackhawks last night in Chicago, so perhaps they're on the right track.  If they aren't, I wouldn't recommend firing Peter Chiarelli or Claude Julien to bring in Theo Epstein or Terry Francona.  Or John MacLean for that matter...

14. Minnesota Wild - Dany Heatley resembles Marian Gaborik in many ways: both take games off whenever they feel like it, both are completely unaware of the defensive zone and both possess tremendous offensive skill.  Heatley, Koivu and Setoguchi may be Minnesota's best offensive threat in years.  They better hurry up and win, though, because you never know when Dany Heatley's annual trade request may come.

15. Nashville Predators - Sure, Suter and Weber are a dangerous duo back of defense, but once you get to their forwards, there isn't much to admire.  Let's put it this way: Cal O'Reilly and Matt Halischuk were Nashville's two shooters in their shootout loss to New Jersey last night.  I think you get the point...

16. Chicago Blackhawks - If you're taking this power ranking seriously, you're probably mad that I've ranked the Hawks this low.  Also, if you're taking this seriously, well there's your problem.  The Hawks are eventually going to have a strong season.

17. Vancouver Canucks - The Canucks have been far from dominant to start this season.  Roberto Luongo is still convinced that the playoffs are going on, and his performance this season proves that. 

18. Phoenix Coyotes - Shane Doan has played his entire career with the Winnipeg/Phoenix franchise.  He also beat Winnipeg last night.

19. Carolina Hurricanes - Cam Ward isn't off to the greatest of starts to this season, but Jeff Skinner is playing very well.  Skinner seems absolutely determined to win his second straight Calder Trophy.  He's so innocent, isn't he?

20. Florida Panthers - The Panthers signed more free agents than Glen Sather and Paul Holmgren combined this past off-season, which is great, but losing Tomas Vokoun in the same off-season has to off-set some of the signings.

21. Edmonton Oilers - Gotta show the Oilers a little love after beating the Penguins and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins' first career hat trick.  It'll take a really bad season for the Oilers to land Nail Yakupov this coming June.

22. St. Louis Blues - Jason Arnott got off to a good start in St. Louis.  Give him a few weeks, and Jamie Langenbrunner will ruin him.  Again.

23. Tampa Bay Lightning - The Lightning are among the worst defensive teams in the NHL so far this season, joining teams such as Carolina and Columbus.

24. San Jose Sharks - San Jose just got shut out by the Anaheim Ducks, and this isn't even the playoffs...

25. Montreal Canadiens - Erik Cole isn't Montreal's savior...at least yet.  Carey Price must be having 2009 nightmares, because he was downright awful last night against the Avs.

26. Calgary Flames - Not much to say here.  It's eventually going to be a long and painful rebuilding process in Calgary.  In Toronto, it's taken 40 years, just to put things in perspective...

27. New York Rangers - Brad Richards has clearly saved the NY Rangers.  Okay, so it's been a tough start.  They'll be fine this season, but geez, they take more penalties than Zenon Konopka per minute.

28. Ottawa Senators - Well, they're coached by MacLean, which could be part of the problem.  Or they're just downright awful right now...

29. Columbus Blue Jackets- Jeff Carter's stint with the Jackets isn't off to a great start, because well, he's not playing right now.  Getting James Wisniewski back will help, but not enough to actually make a difference.

30. Winnipeg Jets - I wonder when the Jets' fans honeymoon phase will end and they start to become frustrated, if not already.  On the bright side, they're the early favorites to land Nail Yakupov next summer.

Comparing the Devils start from this season to last season

Besides the obvious (the Devils have two more wins than at this point one year ago), the Devils are off to a much better start than last season.  If you don't believe me, and even if you do, just see below for proof.


Last season: Ilya Kovalchuk thinks he's set up for a breakaway pass, but then realizes that he's in the defensive zone while the play is at the other end of the rink.
This season: Ilya Kovalchuk has fixed the play in the other end of the rink part, but he's taking shots at his own goalies now.


Last season: The Devils tried everything last season: getting blown out, not scoring and blowing two-goal leads.
This season: So far, the not scoring is still a problem and they haven't yet had a two-goal lead...to blow.


Last season: The Devils cleared a roster spot to call up a forward to replace healthy scratch Ilya Kovalchuk.
This season: Adam Henrique was just sent down to Albany, which clears a roster spot for.......oh please, not again.


Last season: John MacLean had the team work extremely hard in practice, in the sense that renting a party bus for the night is hard work.
This season: Peter DeBoer is working much harder than MacLean, such as trying to figure out how long Cam Janssen will last on the ice without being called into Brendan Shanahan's office.


Last season: Johan Hedberg pulls to within 610 wins on the Devils' all-time goaltender wins list.
This season: With his opening night loss to the Flyers, Martin Brodeur pulled to within one loss of the all-time goaltender loss record.


Last season: Mattias Tedenby is thought of by some Devils fans as the Swedish Prodigy, but obviously not by Jacques Lemaire.
This season: Tedenby is stripped of that title, as Adam Larsson is now the Swedish Prodigy.  As for Jacques Lemaire, well he's retired......for the time being.


Last season: In his usual hatred for the Devils, Scott Burnside predicted that this would be Zach Parise's final season as a Devil.
This season: Okay, well some things haven't changed since last season........


Last season: The coach gave Ilya Kovalchuk a lot of ice time late in the season because he scored a lot.
This season: The coach is giving David Clarkson a lot of ice time because he falls a lot.


Last season: "Let's throw that out" was John MacLean's favorite saying after a blowout loss.
This season: "Let's throw that out" is Peter DeBoer's way of saying that he wasn't happy with someone's shift.


Last season: Nine Devils scored their first career goals, which accounted for nearly half the team's goals last season.
This season: Adam Larsson will eventually score his first career goal, and his ice time accounts for half the game.