How to prevent another NHL lockout

"How many fingers am I holding up?  That's how many lockouts the NHL will have suffered by time I'm done here.
You're welcome, David Stern!"

For the, uhh, millionth third time in the Gary Bettman era, the NHL faces the possibility of a lockout that would shorten, or worse-yet cancel another season of NHL hockey.  In case you didn't know, Bettman worked for David Stern in the NBA before becoming NHL commissioner in 1993.  The first lockout happened in the fall of 1994 (yes, right as MLB was finishing up a strike of their own) and forced the 1994-95 season down to 48 games.  But I'm not complaining, because there was a happy ending to that season.  Then, exactly 10 years later, the entire 2004-05 season was lost to a lockout.  So here we are in 2012, desperately hoping to avoid a third lockout in a 20 year period.  Gary Bettman told us not to be worried three weeks ago, but now says he's prepared for a lockout.  But this can all be avoided.  I've arranged a few helpful tips for the NHL and NHLPA to prevent another lockout.

• Well, the easiest way to settle the labor war is to lock Gary Bettman and NHLPA director Donald Fehr into a room, and whoever comes out alive after an hour gets whatever they want in the new Collective Bargaining Agreement.
   
• Make sure the next CBA has a no-lockout clause, similarly to players' no-trade clauses.
   
• Have the NHLPA hire someone who's been in a sport that never locks out.  Okay, anyone but Donald Fehr...
   
• Tell Ryan Suter and Zach Parise that they won't be able to make their salaries...oh, right, they have massive signing bonuses that pay them even if this very sort of thing happens.  Never mind...
   
• Put Dany Heatley on the NHLPA's player committee and tell him that if there's no CBA in place, he can't inevitably request a trade to Edmonton.  Or Pittsburgh. 

Remembering the 2011-12 regular season

The next GM of the Montreal Canadiens...very hard at work.

For 14 of the NHL's 30 teams, this is the final week of their season.  After this week, they'll all go
their separate ways for the summer.  In other words, they'll all go to various golf courses until September, apparently.  So let's take a look at the teams that will not be taking part in the playoffs, and remember each of their seasons.


Montreal Canadiens - This season has been "échec" in Montreal, or as Randy Cunneyworth likes to say: failure.  But hey, at least they got their money's worth out of Scott Gomez this season!


New York Islanders - The Long Island rebuild continues.  Or maybe it hasn't started yet, since Nassau Coliseum is unfortunately still standing.  With their young talent, they should be good in the near future.  Maybe...


Columbus Blue Jackets - This season was the beginning and end of Jeff Carter's career in Columbus.  What's quite unfortunate is that if Rick Nash gets traded, the Jackets might have to force Steve Mason into the All-Star Game in their own building next season.


Tampa Bay Lightning - Guy Boucher gave up on the 1-3-1 midway through the season, but those five minutes of stalemate in the Flyers game easily cost Steven Stamkos two or three goals.

How to be a good road fan at an NHL game

 

Yes, it is proven to be more entertaining to be places where you're not wanted.  Just ask Sean Avery.

 Last night, I was a part of the Devils Generals' group that invaded Nassau Coliseum.  As much as Devils fans get annoyed when groups of visiting fans chant for their teams at Prudential Center, our cheers were loud and at times, well, obnoxious.  It got me thinking, how do you be a good road fan when you're on the road with your favorite team?  I've come up with a list of do's and don't's.


DO: Cheer when your team's players step onto the ice for warm-ups.
DON'T: Bang on the glass when Zdeno Chara is nearby, as you might be killed.


DO: Hi-five other fans of your team when you see them walking around the arena.
DON'T: Hi-five Rick DiPietro.  You might break him.


DO: Bring your own food, since the food is probably over-priced at the arena.
DON'T: Bring waffles to the Air Canada Centre.  It just won't end well for you.


DO: Engage in educated hockey conversations with visiting fans.
DON'T: Ask a Penguins fan who their favorite player before 2005 was.  They'll give you a blank stare.


DO: Laugh off home fans who make fun of your team.
DON'T: Tell them that their team sucks, especially if your team is out of the playoffs.

Which bubble teams will make the playoffs?

"IF YA DON'T HAVE ANY ONTARIO PLAYERS, YA CAN'T MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!
HOW CAN YA MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IF YA DON'T HAVE ANY ONTARIO PLAYERS?"

The playoffs begin in just over a month, and there's still plenty of teams that have a chance, or think they have a chance, to be a part of it this season.  As a hockey blogger, I feel that it is my duty to provide you with a carefully written and intelligent analysis of who I think will miss the playoffs and won't will miss them.  Naturally, I decided not to do that.  Instead, here's a hopefully more entertaining look at the "bubble" teams.


Winnipeg Jets

Why they can make the playoffs: Their fans would give up breathing if it meant seeing their team in the playoffs.
Why they can't make the playoffs: According to Pierre McGuire, they have many of the most underrated players in the league.  If Pierre McGuire says you're underrated, you must suck.  A lot.
Verdict: They could, and if they do, I hope the architects who built MTS Centre don't let the roof blow off.


Florida Panthers

Why they can make the playoffs: Lots of people like to take in games at BankAtlantic Center, such as Rangers, Bruins, Caps, Habs and Leafs fans.
Why they can't make the playoffs: If their top line can't carry them offensively, Jose Theodore becomes their biggest offensive threat.
Verdict: Then again, Jose Theodore has scored a goal before...


Washington Capitals

Why they can make the playoffs: Despite the injury to Nicklas Backstrom, they still have talent in Alex Ovechkin, Alex Semin and Mike Green.
Why they can't make the playoffs: Well, this isn't 2008, so Alex, Alex and Green are pretty useless.
Verdict: Perhaps this is all a plan, since finishing first in the Conference so many times didn't work out for Washington.


Tampa Bay Lightning

Why they can make the playoffs: Steven Stamkos can outscore your favorite team combined.
Why they can't make the playoffs: Mike Smith left Tampa Bay for a more up-and-coming hockey market.
Verdict: They have four active players on their roster from Ontario.  How could they not make the playoffs?

What does it take to have a player's number retired?

Mats Sundin played for 3 Canadian NHL teams throughout the '90s and 2000s.  No wonder he never won a Cup.

Tomorrow night, the Toronto Maple Leafs will do something that they rarely do (no, not win the Stanley Cup...).  They will retire Mats Sundin's #13.  He'll join Ace Bailey and Bill Barilko as the only Maple Leafs to ever have their numbers retired by the club.  That got me wondering, what does it take to have a player's number retired?  Obviously, each team has a slightly different requirement to do the honor.  After hours (okay, minutes) of research, here's what I found.


Montreal Canadiens - Basically, if you're French-Canadian, scored a few goals, won a Cup, were really short or gave up 10 goals in a game, your number was retired.  Then there's Ken Dryden.  He was pretty good, though.


Toronto Maple Leafs - The Leafs have a tradition of only retiring numbers of Stanley Cup champion players.  Of course, after decades and decades of having nothing to do, they lifted that requirement for Mats Sundin.  Or maybe they're honoring his number.  There's a difference...


New Jersey Devils - It's pretty simple in New Jersey: if you're a defenseman and you win three Stanley Cups, your number gets retired.  That includes Martin Brodeur as a defenseman.


New York Rangers - Following New York sports tradition, if you were a fan favorite and didn't sign with your team's biggest rival, your number is automatically retired.


New York Islanders - The Isles also require a Stanley Cup for a player's number to be retired.  Or maybe they've just been so awful lately that there's been no numbers to retire...

Other trade ideas including Calgary and Montreal

What?  Me, ask for a trade?  No, I love losing for Canadian hockey teams with red jerseys!

It seems like Pierre Gauthier, the Habs' general manager, decided mid-game, that he was going to trade Mike Cammalleri, even though he didn't know where he was trading him to at the time.  Either way, Cammalleri is now back in Calgary, as well as Kari Ramo and a 5th round pick.  Montreal adds Rene Bourque, a prospect (Patrick Holland) and a 2nd round pick.  It's a trade that raises more questions than answers, but here's something you didn't know: Gauthier and Jay Feaster had other trade ideas.  Here's a look at some of them.

• Gauthier considered making a huge splash and trying to land the first overall draft pick to draft Nail Yakupov, but then he remembered Montreal's long-standing tradition to not have a Russian sniper who tries.
   
• A trade fell through between the Kings and Habs that would have sent Dustin Penner to Montreal.  Penner was especially excited about the trade due to the especially delicious maple syrup in eastern Canada.
   
• Glen Sather decided that he wanted Olli Jokinen back in New York, especially for shootouts, but after Feaster asked for some of the Rangers' most notable minor leaguers, Sather rejected the deal, because he didn't want to give up Sean Avery and Wade Redden.

NHL Christmas Gifts Recap

Maybe Ilya Bryzgalov should have gotten one of these for Chris Pronger to use.  You know...with a visor...

Many people spend the day after Christmas counting up their gifts.  NHL players do that as well, and some players received some interesting gifts this year.  Here's a look at what some of hockey's best players received for Christmas this year.


Henrik Lundqvist -
Gift: Two tickets to a Knicks game.
Problem: His buddy, Justin Bieber, has been hanging out in Toronto lately...


Ilya Bryzgalov -
Gift: A trip to the moon...obviously via the Russian space program, since NASA doesn't use shuttles anymore.
Problem: He's gotten lost in the woods.  Imagine how lost he would get in outer space...


Phil Kessel -
Gift: A new phone with an HD camera, just in time for the upcoming All-Star Weekend.
Problem: The captain of the team Kessel isn't on will definitely pick Alex Ovechkin way too early.


Drew Doughty -
Gift: A new contract that doesn't include the "everyone on the team must stop scoring" clause.
Problem: Dean Lombardi has no idea how to successfully sign a star player.

The NHL's Best Rivalries



Oh oops.  My picture editor forgot this is my rivalries post, not Team Nobody's Ever Heard Of post.

 With tonight being the first meeting of the season between the Devils and Rangers, I thought it would be a good opportunity to highlight some of the other big rivalries in the NHL.  You know, rivalries that have rich histories of playoff battles and brutal moments, many of which date back 30 years or more...or 30 months in the case of Washington and Pittsburgh.


Calgary Flames vs. Vancouver Canucks

• When these teams meet, the Sedin's always ask the Canucks coaching staff who they'll be matched up against.  When the coaches tell the Sedin's they'll be matched up against Calgary's top line, they always draw a blank stare from the Sedin's.
• Roberto Luongo often makes Calgary's top line look better than Vancouver's.

Boston Bruins vs. Montreal Canadiens

• Every rivalry has an "X-factor" to it.  With the B's/Habs rivalry, we know Boston has the size advantage and we know Montreal has the speed advantage.  Montreal also owns the X-factor: the Bell Centre stanchions.
• I wonder if Habs fans realize that the Bruins coach speaks French and the Habs coach doesn't...

Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Boston Bruins

• They say it's a rivalry, but I always thought both teams had to show up for it to be considered a rivalry...
• This rivalry is nothing more than fan hype.  After all, Peter Chiarelli and Brian Burke are always doing each other favors.

NHL Power Rankings - Week of November 20th, 2011

It's that time of week again!  It's time for NHL Power Rankings for Week 6 of the 2011-12 season.  There's another #1 this week, but unfortunately, not a new #30.


1. Minnesota Wild (+8) - The Wild are among the worst teams in the NHL offensively.  In other news, the sun is still bright and Zdeno Chara is really tall.

2. San Jose Sharks (+5) - Antti Niemi is determined to win another Stanley Cup this season, contrary to the rest of his team, since every time Niemi talks about the Stanley Cup, he teammates keep asking "who's Stanley?"

3. Pittsburgh Penguins (-2) - There is absolutely nothing new to report from Penguins camp this week.  I think...

4. Chicago Blackhawks (-3) - The only thing red hot about the Blackhawks right now is Joel Quenneville's temper.

5. Toronto Maple Leafs (+3) - Phil Kessel's superhuman act this season has forced the rest of the Leafs to be mediocre in order to balance things out for a while.

6. Detroit Red Wings (--) - It was nice of Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk to return to Detroit after an extended summer break.

7. New York Rangers (-2) - Martin Biron is known as an excellent backup goalie, but you'd never know it if Saturday's Rangers/Habs game was your first ever hockey game.

8. Philadelphia Flyers (+2) - I've decided to exclude all games against the Winnipeg Jets when considering the Flyers' power ranking position.  At least they won't have to deal with them in the playoffs.

9. Boston Bruins (+7) - Angered by their 2-1 shootout win over Columbus, they decided to destroy their next awful opponent, the Islanders, at home, although some people claim it wasn't a Bruins home game...

10. Buffalo Sabres (+2) - Tyler Myers spent his day off as a healthy scratch kissing up to Brendan Shanahan to avoid being Shana-banned after any apparent head-shots.

11. Nashville Predators (+6) - Following an embarassing overtime loss to Columbus at home, Shea Weber and Ryan Suter are duking it out to see who gets to leave Nashville next off-season.

12. Los Angeles Kings (-1) - Jonathan Quick hasn't had a shutout in quite some time, which begs the question: is the world ending?

13. Washington Capitals (-10) - Caps' second line left wing Alex Ovechkin has 14 points in 18 games, which is good for a second line winger, but I'm sure the coaches are concerned about his -6 plus-minus rating.

14. Dallas Stars (-10) - If the NHL season was based entirely off of the first month of the season, the Dallas Stars would be perennial Stanley Cup contenders.

15. Phoenix Coyotes (--) - Steve Mason has reportedly been in contact with the Coyotes lately, because he heard that Phoenix is hallowed ground for an NHL goaltender.

16. New Jersey Devils (+3) - David Clarkson's shooting percentage is double that of one year ago and he has more goals than Zach Parise.  It's the craziness of the NHL, folks.

17. Florida Panthers (+3) - The Panthers have turned average top-6 forwards into star players this season, rather than their tradition of turning top-6 forwards into washed up scrubs.

18. Vancouver Canucks (-5) - Pretty much every Canucks skater has a negative plus-minus rating, and Roberto Luongo is determined not to change that.

19. St. Louis Blues (+3) - The Blues are at the bottom of the league offensively and the top defensively.  Why else would Ken Hitchcock agree to coach them?

20. Tampa Bay Lightning (-2) - Since the Flyers game, teams have actually tried to beat the 1-3-1, and unfortunately for the Lightning, they have been quite successful in doing so.

21. Edmonton Oilers (--) - If Sam Rosen was the Oilers' announcer, he'd have said "And this one will last a lifetime" after beating the Blackhawks, 9-2 the other night.

22. Ottawa Senators (+1) - I don't know why everyone is so high on Milan Michalek this season.  He's not even the best forward that plays in the province of Ontario...

23. Colorado Avalanche (-9) - Avs "phenom" defenseman Erik Johnson is a -12 this season. 

24. Montreal Canadiens (+1) - Scott Gomez started to get going offensively this past Saturday, courtesy of Martin Biron.

25. Winnipeg Jets (+3) - Many people say that every Jets home game feels like a playoff game, which would explain why they beat Washington the Philadelphia so convincingly.

26. Calgary Flames (-2) - The Flames are on pace to have approximately zero 60-point scorers this season, yet people are still baffled and confused as to why this is a terrible hockey team.

27. Anaheim Ducks (-1) - When all else fails, it's time to start the overhaul in Anaheim.  Luckily, they can build around guys like Teemu Selanne.

28. Carolina Hurricanes (-1) - Eric Staal, Joni Pitkanen, Tomas Kaberle...this would have been a good team in 2006.  Oh wait, Carolina was a good team in 2006.

29. New York Islanders (--) - CBC and Versus will be nationally televising the return of Kyle Okposo to the Islanders lineup and Anders Nilsson's first NHL start tonight.

30. Columbus Blue Jackets (--) - Steve Mason's apparent injury only hurts helps the Jackets.

Biggest surprises so far this season

Parise: "Hey Adam, could you slow down a little so it looks like I'm still the best player on the team?"

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/11/08/henrique-show-continues-scores-winner-as-devils-take-3rd-straight/

By this point in a season, players who have gotten off to hot starts have cooled off a bit and players who started slow have found their rhythm again.  However, there are some surprises as well this season, and some of them might not go away as many had predicted.  Well, here's what I mean.


Adam Henrique - He has brought a unique dynamic to the Devils' lineup, as apparently he's the only player in on the team who enjoys scoring goals.

Nikolai Khabibulin - His resurgence has brought hope to the Edmonton faithful.  Now fans are simply hoping he doesn't get himself into legal trouble, such as getting arrested for a DUI.

Ilya Bryzgalov - Has surprised many in his first year with the Flyers as Roberto Luongo's biggest challenger as to who can keep a save percentage under .900 the longest.

Eric Lindros - He surprised Flyers management after saying he actually wants to be associated with the organization again by playing in the Alumni Game and knocking out John Leclair...okay, so he didn't exactly say that...

Dany Heatley - He continues to surprise everyone every time he enters the defensive zone.

Jeff Carter - Being traded from a team you've signed long-term with can be devastating, especially to Columbus, but Carter is actually quite happy right now, but only because he isn't playing for the team.

Tampa Bay Lighting - Marc-Andre Bergeron and Martin St. Louis are both averaging at least a point per game, which has many General Managers calling Steve Yzerman and asking how he cloned St. Louis.

Dallas Stars - They've surprised many people by being so good early on, but also by their selfishness of making hockey fans memorize a player's name other than Loui Eriksson.

Rick DiPietro - Has surprised almost all Islander fans by playing his fourth game of the season before April 1st, granted he didn't actually play a single minute of regulation or overtime in one of those games...

Dustin Penner - He surprised many people last night following a multi-point game, and also saying "well, it's not like I'm Ville Leino."

29 NHL teams - Have surprised many by not sending dozens of scouts to Nashville Predators games to watch Ryan Suter and Shea Weber.

Phil Kessel - He surprised the entire hockey world by stealing Tyler Seguin's jersey Saturday and wearing it for the entire game while his team lost, 7-0.

Brian Burke - It's November 9th and he hasn't made an Earth-shattering trade yet.

Darryl Sutter - It's November 9th and he hasn't made a stupid trade yet.

Flyers and Leafs' 2012 First Round Draft Picks - Have surprised many by existing without any trades.

Lou Lamoriello - Surprised many by saying he will not re-acquire Jason Arnott again to fill the team's hole at the center position.

Carolina Hurricanes - Have surprised many by seeming disinterested in playing hockey this season, outside of Jeff Skinner.

Ty Conklin - He's been a surprise since he's only two points behind Todd Bertuzzi this season.

Jaroslav Halak - He's been a big surprise, but only because he's allowed double the amount of goals that Brian Elliott has, while making almost the same number of saves as Elliott.

Worst NHL giveaway ideas ever

The plastic rat idea in Florida was a bad idea.  But you'd be surprised how many other promotions have gone wrong...

http://proicehockey.about.com/od/stanleycupbunker/ig/Stanley-Cup-Gallery/florida-rats-1996-Glenn-Cratty.htm

Every now and then, you'll see a bizarre promotion to sell a particular sporting event.  Some famous examples of this include Disco Night in Chicago for the White Sox, Reggie Bars Day at Yankee Stadium and the plastic rat giveaway for the Panthers.  But there are some even weirder promotional ideas that never actually make it out of the meeting rooms.  Luckily, I've been able to get a pretty decent list of some promotional ideas from the NHL.  Take a look.


Winnipeg Jets - The Jets had to scrap two ideas already this year.

• Similar to a campaign run by the New Jersey Devils this season, the Winnipeg Jets talked about a ticket offer in which a fan could buy a regulaly-priced ticket to a Jets home game and receive a $10 food card as a bonus.  Unfortunately, Kyle Wellwood found out about this and tried to buy 15,000 tickets to Opening Night.
• The Jets then turned to their Plan B: Any fan to purchase a box for a single game would be eligible for free boating lessons.  This also created a problem, because Dustin Byfuglien wiped out all of the tickets before the public could access them.

Boston Bruins

• The Bruins talked about giving all children in attendance to their Opening Night game against the Flyers a replica Stanley Cup ring, but then considered that there might be some Flyers fans at the game.  For the safety of the young Flyers fans, who would be very confused by the sight of a championship ring, the Bruins cancelled the promotion.
• Since fan ring night didn't work, the Bruins talked about Tomas Kaberle Bobblehead Night.  Then they remembered he doesn't play for them anymore.  They hardly noticed.

New York Rangers

• Last season, Glen Sather and Rangers management ran a test of their Fan King Henrik Crown that they planned to give to fans this season.  Strangely, as soon as the playoffs began, the crowns began to fall apart and break.  This caused the giveaway to be ruined.  It turned out to be a huge waste of money...

Edmonton Oilers

• The Oilers were planning to release a huge promotion about the Big Three: Taylor Hall, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Nail Yakupov all being drafted first overall by the Oilers in consecutive seasons.  Then they remembered that Columbus, Ottawa and Winnipeg were in the NHL this season.
• The Oilers bounced back from their failed poster giveaway by planning Ferrari Die-Cast car night, as all kids in attendance to Oilers home games would receive a die-cast Ferrari with a player's number on it.  In a strange series of events, all of the Nikolai Khabibulin cars seemed to speed out of control every time someone opened one from its packaging.

Dallas Stars

• After plans to have giveaways involving Mike Modano and Brad Richards, the Stars' marketing department decided to create a better fan experience.  They attempted to accomplish this by building a fan's lounge so that fans could escape the Dallas heat by spending time at a comfortable lounge before Stars home games.  The problem occured when the marketing department found Sheldon Souray sound asleep in the lounge during practice.

Calgary Flames

• The Flames decided to start a program to help kids manage their money better, so they scheduled piggy bank giveaway night.  The idea was great, but every time someone dropped a coin into the piggy bank, it got stuck and the piggy bank started to overflow quickly.  This confused Darryl Sutter.

Vancouver Canucks

• Out of nowhere, the Canucks planned Green Spandex Suit giveaway night, in which every single fan in attendance would get a suit just like the Green Men.  This created two problems: it angered the Green Men and caused city police a great deal of havoc trying to identify people during the post-game riots.

Montreal Canadiens

• In a very generous gesture, Habs players donated a bunch of their actual game-worn jerseys to the Bell Centre to use as fan raffle items.  The problem with this is that none of the jerseys fit the fans that won them.  The arena measured the fans who complained, and found out that the average height of a Habs fan is taller than 5'7".

New Jersey Devils

• The Devils actually had a fireworks display following the home game on New Year's Eve.  This sounded like a good idea, but they forgot to inform Newark Police about the promotion as the city's first responders searched in fear of a frantic shooter.

Chicago Blackhawks

• In an attempt to re-live their Stanley Cup Championship, the Hawks gave all of their fans a customized video game where the player had to win 16 games to win the Stanley Cup as many seasons in a row as possible.  Unfortunately, due to a strange game glitch, nobody could ever win more than one in a row, because after the first Cup was won, the simulator traded the entire team away to save salary cap space.

New York Islanders

• Hoping that their team would still be playing in the hot months, such as June, the Islanders gave all fans to select home games a hand-held fan to keep themselves cool.  The fault in this promotion was whenever someone pointed the fan in the direction of the rink, Rick DiPietro would immediately fall over in pain.

Nashville Predators

• In anticipation of another playoff run this season, Nashville management tried to put together a motivational DVD to excite fans about another trip to the playoffs.  This promotion failed when they realized they didn't actually have any footage of the Predators' playoff games because the cameramen kept focusing on Carrie Underwood the whole time.

Detroit Red Wings

• The Red Wings were planning Chris Osgood Night in Detroit, and as a bonus, all fans in attendance were going to get an interactive Osgood figurine featuring a mini-puck and stick to shoot at Osgood.  Then the Wings' staff soon noticed that the mini-Osgood was unable to stop virtually any puck thrown at it.  That would have been too authentic.

Tampa Bay Lightning

• Following a long playoff run last spring, the Lightning wanted to assure fans that they weren't a one year wonder.  They set up a promotion that the fewer goals the Lightning allowed in a game, the bigger of a discount fans could get to an upcoming game.  This plan was scrapped because management didn't want fans paying ten times the actual value of the ticket.

Who replaces Doc Emrick? The candidates revealed!

(source of original picture: http://www.nj.com/devils/index.ssf/2010/10/christine_simpson_joins_devils.html )

MSG Network lost a legend today as long-time Devils announcer Mike “Doc” Emrick became a full-time play-by-play man with NBC and Versus.  This creates a vacancy for the Devils and their play-by-play man.  Luckily, I’ve done all the work already and obtained MSG’s list of potential candidates to find Emrick’s successor.

Steve Cangialosi (Last job: Devils pre-game TV host)

Why he deserves the job – He’s worked with the Devils for many years now, and hasn’t gotten the big promotion yet.

Why he should not get the job – The last time the Devils promoted a guy after that length of time resulted in his firing 33 games later.

Verdict – No way.  His voice is more colorful than Don Cherry’s suits.  Okay, well, most of Don Cherry’s suits…

Matt Loughlin (Last job: Devils radio announcer)

Why he deserves the job – Like Cangialosi, he has worked with the Devils for a long time on both the television and radio side.

Why he should not get the job – At times, he has a difficult time with name pronunciations. It’s not as if any former Devils broadcaster ever had that problem…

Verdict – His alumni status with MSG warrants further consideration.

Jim Hughson (Last job: CBC Hockey Night in Canada announcer)

Why he deserves the job – Many employees involving the Devils have come from Toronto and Montreal.  Hughson would continue Devils' tradition.

Why he should not get the job – His voice is a constant wavelength of changes in the pitch of his voice.  He is simply not consistent.

Verdict – Imagine Hughson with Craig Simpson.  Now imagine Hughson with Chico Resch.  Exactly…

Stan Fischler (Last job: MSG employee, or something like that)

Why he deserves the job – He’s witnessed every great moment in hockey history since the Original Six were once known as Toronto, Montreal, Montreal, some American city south of Toronto and Montreal and two other cities we can’t remember.

Why he should not get the job – He would compare every hockey game to either a playoff game from 1947 (supposedly his first season as a hockey fan) or an incident in the New York City subway system.

Verdict – Not a chance.  Stan should stick to doing whatever he does now…whatever that may be.

Peter Loubardias (Last job: Calgary Flames announcer)

Why he deserves the job – Another former broadcaster of a Canadian hockey team, he has experience covering a team that throws around more No Trade Clauses than Toronto fans throw waffles.

Why he should not get the job – New Jersey is a big culture shock, and as a Calgary-born Devils alumni coach will tell you, people can get very homesick in New Jersey.

Verdict – There are certainly worse choices.  Some of those people are the people listed above.

Steve Goldstein (Last job: Florida Panthers announcer)

Why he deserves the job – He’s one of the very few people who has actually seen Pete DeBoer coach in person.

Why he should not get the job – He is still under contract with the Panthers’ TV group and nobody associated with the Devils would ever try to do anything illegal with contracts.

Verdict – Let him stay with the Panthers.  It’s a safer job than anything with the Devils anyway.

Glenn “Chico” Resch (Last job: Devils analyst)

Why he deserves the job – He talks more than most play-by-play announcers and analysts do combined.

Why he should not get the job – By the second period of opening night, that could become irritating.

Verdict – Have you ever sprayed gasoline to put out a fire?  Well, I think you get my point.

Gary Thorne (Last job: Orioles baseball announcer)

Why he deserves the job – He worked for ESPN for many years, and became an expert with the Devils after they kept appearing in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Why he should not get the job – He works for ESPN, therefore there is a chance that he is influenced by Scott Burnside (which, in case you did not know, is a very bad thing).

Verdict – Sign him now, before another the league locks out again and Thorne is sent to the Orioles’ Triple-A affiliate.

Jim Jackson (Last job: Flyers announcer)

Why he deserves the job – Jim previously worked for the Utica Devils back in the day before going to the dark side.

Why he should not get the job – If a television’s volume reaches any sort of volume that a human is capable of hearing, he will wake up any sleeping person within 50 miles during every net mouth scramble.

Verdict – Nobody in the New York area sleeps anyway.  Let him keep Philadelphia awake.

Down Goes Spezza (Last job: independent hockey blogger)

Why he deserves the job – He nominated himself for the position (which automatically disqualifies him), and if you think about it, having a Flyers fan announce Devils games could work…barring you have earplugs on throughout each game.

Why he should not get the job – His favorite color is orange and his elbow has a Chris Pronger tattoo on it.*

Verdict – He knows what Corsi (advanced hockey statistic) is.  If he mentioned that on air, listeners’ houses might explode in confusion.

* Not confirmed.

Are you a Canadian hockey fan (the full test!)?

That's strange...the Jets have never won a championship...well, since the 1968-69 New York Jets, anyway.  Also strange: the crowd shown is in...Montreal.  Well, anyway, Winnipeg has reportedly gotten the hockey Jets back (barring name approval).  So Canada would now have 7 NHL teams, while the U.S. still has 23, but it begs the question: how many Americans are as passionate as Canadian hockey fans?  You can check yourself by taking the full test below.  *Disclaimer: I am not intending to insult either country or fans from either country.



Do you paint your face before you attend an NHL game of your team?

(a) No, I'm too busy wearing a green, spandex bodysuit.
(b) Yes, every game.  It hides my identity while I throw tasteful breakfast foods onto the ice.
(c) I've outgrown face-painting.
(d) I only paint my face when I'm starring on a sitcom and wearing a Devils jersey.


How many homes games to you attend per season?

(a) None, I don't live near my team's arena.
(b) As many as I can on my budget.
(c) 41!  I'm a season ticket holder!
(d) More than 41!  My team is a perennial playoff team (in which case, you're not a Leafs or Oilers fan...).


How do you celebrate when your favorite team scores?

(a) Stand up and scream like idiots until the next faceoff.
(b) Throw my hands up and hi-five my friends.
(c) Sit in my seat and wonder if the team is hurting its chances to land the 1st overall draft pick.
(d) Umm, my team never scores, we play the 1-2-2.


What song does your team's arena play after a goal is scored?

(a) Zombie Nation
(b) Gary Glitter's "Rock n' Roll"
(c) Satriani's "Crowd Chant" or a similar sounding song
(d) I'm not sure.  The crowd is too loud cheering.


What do you usually do after a win?

(a) Hang out with my friends at a nearby bar.
(b) Go home and celebrate.
(c) Haha, win...that's funny.
(d) A group of us rage through the city, breaking into stores and burning police cars.


What are you doing on June 24th?

(a) Attending my team's Stanley Cup parade.
(b) Attending a barbecue with friends.
(c) Attending our team's annual 1st Overall Draft pick party for Draft Day.
(d) I'll be sitting on the beach, just like Gary Bettman.


What event are you anticipating this summer for free agency?

(a) Glen Sather giving Brad Richards a ridiculously absurd contract just to make the Kovalchuk contract look good.
(b) The Bruins re-signing Tomas Kaberle, and I'll be laughing at them if they do.
(c) Gary Bettman fining Lou Lamoriello for saying "status quo" 8,000 times.
(d) Brian Burke acquiring Jeff Carter for Phil Kessel.


Who is the best dressed hockey person?

(a) Kevin Weekes
(b) Patrick Sharp
(c) Henrik Lundqvist
(d) Don Cherry


How many road games do you watch on TV?

(a) None, I'm at them all.
(b) A few, whenever I'm home or available.
(c) Versus is blocked in my home, so not many.
(d) All of them.  I plan my life around my team.


What's the first thing you do when you wake up on Tuesday and Friday mornings?

(a) The usual: coffee, then work.
(b) Look at the clock and then fall back asleep.
(c) Watch ESPN SportsCenter.
(d) Run to a computer to read Down Goes Brown's new blog post.


Check your answers:

• If you're like a Canadian hockey fan, you chose (in order): 1 - B, 2 - D, 3 - A/B, 4 - D, 5 - D, 6 - C, 7 - A/B/C/D, 8 - D, 9 - D, 10 - D.

If you answered like a Canadian:

• 10 - You either have way too much time on your hands or you're "employed" by your team, or something like that.
• 7-9 - You're passionate, but you probably shy away from what seperates Americans from Canadians.  Perhaps rioting is one of those things.
• 4-6 - You're a pretty big fan of hockey, but not quite crazy enough.  You probably watch too much ESPN and may have another priority, such as...basketball.
• 2-3 - You aren't really a crazy hockey fan, but you care...if your team is relevant and not golfing in May.
• 1 - You're probably either a newer hockey fan or still a hockey fan prospect.
• 0 - You know that they aren't using golf clubs and tennis balls on the ice, right?

Top 10 - Bizarre NHL moments

This is the third installment of the DGA "Top 10" series. So far, I've done Top 10 Bloopers and Top 10 Ilya Kovalchuk Devils moments. The third part of the series features 10 of the greatest bizarre moments in NHL recent memory. The difference between this and the bloopers is that bloopers are caused by athletes on the ice (for the most part), and the bizarre moments are either random or accidental, except for one. Enjoy.

10. CANUCKS FAN GOES GREEN - A Vancouver Canucks fan obviously felt that his team needed a little help to distract Miikka Kiprusoff.







9. MUSICAL STICKS - Bobby Ryan loses his stick, picks up another player's stick and scores a goal on a rebound.







8. NOT LEAF-ING EARLY - About win a 1994 playoff game, Toronto scores a flukey own goal in the dying seconds.







7. WAIT, THAT COUNTS? - Maxime Talbot will probably be remembered for being the 2009 Stanley Cup Game 7 hero, but his first career goal was memorable as well.







6. FIGHT AFTER THE FIGHT - Tie Domi squirts a fan, and nearly lives to regret it.







5. KOVALEV GETS ROBBED...LITERALLY - A Bruins fan sticks his hand through a small hole in the glass and grabs Alex Kovalev's stick.







4. GETTING TRAPPED - Vesa Toskala, who has a highlight reel of bloopers of his own, has the net fall over him.







3. THE FLYING GOALIE - Neal Little decides that he wants a piece of a line brawl in a minor league hockey game...involving Ray Emery.







2. WHAT'S THAT SMELL? - A Flyers fan fires a smoke bomb onto the ice in overtime.







1. DO IT ONCE, SHAME ON YOU, DO IT TWICE, SHAME ON... - Dion Phaneuf's wicked slapshot caused two glass supports to shatter...in the same period of the same game.