Every year, the NHL hosts a top secret Halloween party at an unknown catering hall in New York City. Why NYC? Because Gary Bettman lives nearby and whatever he wants...happens. Through some hard work and research, I was able to find out where the party was this year, and well, here's what happened.
Gary Bettman (dressed as Mario Lemieux): Good evening, everyone, I'd like to welcome you to the NHL's annual Halloween Party. I'd like to especially welcome all of the rookies and first-timers here tonight. We have an open bar, so enjoy everyone!
*Gabriel Landeskog, Jeff Skinner, Adam Larsson, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and many other under-21 players run over to the open bar, only to be escorted into a small private room with Brendan Shanahan.
Brian Burke (dressed as a wizard): Evening, Pete. How's it going?
Peter Chiarelli (dressed as a bear): It's going well, Brian, and you? (*flashes Burke his Stanley Cup ring*)
Brian Burke: Good. Glad to hear that. You know...
Peter Chiarelli (interrupts): Yes, I know, Phil Kessel leads the league in goal scoring. (Burke smiles) But I have a ring.
Sean Avery (dressed as a clown) - (interrupts both Burke and Chiarelli): Hey guys. Wanna put a claim in for me? (Chiarelli and Burke stare at each other, and awkwardly walk away.)
Rick DiPietro (dressed as a hockey goalie): Hey Jack, how are you?
Jack Capuano (dressed as Mets pitcher Chris Capuano): Doing well, Ricky. *Shakes DiPietro's hand.*
Rick DiPietro: Owwww!! *Falls to the ground in pain.*
Jack Capuano: *Calls across the room* Garth, Rick is done for the season!
Jeff Skinner (dressed as Giants pitcher Brian Wilson): Come here, guys, I found a secret entrance to the bar! *Skinner leads the under-21 players into the bar and pours them drinks.
Andrew Ladd: (to his Jets teammates): Who is that guy over at the buffet? That's not.......oh no. *walks over to buffet table.* Kyle, how much food can you possibly eat?
Kyle Wellwood (dressed as Santa Claus): Hey, I'm just trying to be authentic...
Alex Ovechkin (dressed as Superman): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Chris Pronger (dressed as a boxer): Shutup! *Elbows Ovechkin to the ground.*
Alex Ovechkin: Hey, Chris, look at what that guy wrote on my Twitter!
Brendan Shanahan (dressed as a traffic cop): Hey, Pronger, Gary told me to keep a close eye on you tonight.
Chris Pronger: Dammit. *Shrugs shoulders and heads to the penalty room.*
Brendan Shanahan: Pronger, keep an eye on the kids in there.
Pavel Datsyuk: *Walks around the room stealing everyone's drinks.* Here you go, Nik.
Nikolai Khabibulin: Thanks, Pavel. You're so good at playing your role in real life.
Dany Heatley (sitting at a table with his teammates): Hey, can someone get me a drink? I'm too lazy to get it myself.
Ilya Bryzgalov (dressed as a hunter in the woods): Hey bartender, can I get a refill?
Bartender: Sure. *Slides a shot glass down the front of the bar, Bryzgalov misses it and it falls off the edge of the bar.*
Jonathan Quick: Look out! *Sprints over to the bar and dives to catch the shot glass.*
Ilya Bryzgalov: Nice save, Quick.
*Suddenly, someone dressed as Roadrunner from Looney Tunes races across the room.*
Rick DiPietro (still on the floor): Was that Grabs?
Glen Sather (dressed as Michael Swenson, who was one of the members of Goldman Sachs blamed for poor investment decisions): Damn, I have to sign that Grabner kid.
Gary Bettman: Glen, you're not tampering with anyone, are you? You know we have integrity in this league, right?
Zach Parise: Hey Gary, he was talking to me too.
Shea Weber: Me too!
Gary Bettman: Does anyone feel the ground shaking? *Ground shakes.*
Zdeno Chara (dressed as the Hulk): Sorry I'm late.
Brian Burke: Mike, go make yourself useful.
Mike Komisarek: Sorry, Brian, I don't think I can do that.
Ron Wilson: Ha, he got that right...
Bruce Boudreau (dressed as Eminem): *Slams his foot on a chair.* What the @#$%? This &!@#$% chair, oh @!#$.
Paul Bissonnette (dressed as Dan Carcillo): Hey Danny, did you see this costume? *Shows Dan Carcillo (dressed as Paul Bissonnette) his cell phone.*
*Avery approaches BizNasty and Carcillo, and they eventually start a brawl, destroying everything in sight.
Chris Pronger: Hey, I want a part of this! *Jumps on top of Avery.*
Brendan Shanahan: *Blows referee whistle.* Hey, Pronger, get back in there!
Paul Holmgren: I think I'll claim that Avery guy.
Scott Hartnell: No, please, no! *Hartnell falls.* Dammit.
Gary Bettman: Okay, this is out of hand. Party's over.
Zdeno Chara: Aww, c'mon, we haven't had dessert yet.
Kyle Wellwood: Say what??
Gary Bettman: O-o-okay, Z-zdeno, we'll have dessert. *Sweating as he looks up at Chara.*
Showing posts with label Chris Pronger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chris Pronger. Show all posts
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
What to expect and what not to expect from NHL GM Meetings
Next week, all 30 NHL General Managers will head to Boca Raton, Florida for the annual GM meetings. This conference is meant to solve problems and develop new ideas in the NHL, from suspendable hits to financing Gary Bettman's new mansion. They'll be doing a lot of talking, but this year, will they actually do something? Here are my predictions:
WHAT TO EXPECT - Expect Gary Bettman to complain about rising salaries in the NHL, and his genuine concern about the likely increase in the NHL salary cap this summer.
WHAT NOT TO EXPECT - Do not expect Bettman to acknowledge the fact that he is averaging a higher salary than Ilya Kovalchuk.
EXPECT - To hear about a suspicious looking man that thinks he's whispering into his microphone while simultaneously checking to make sure nobody sees him peeking through into the meeting room.
DON'T EXPECT - Pierre McGuire to say anything insightful while peeking into the meeting room.
EXPECT - Your team's GM to have a tan when he returns next weekend.
DON'T EXPECT - Glen Sather's tan fool you, he probably spent way too much money on it before he left New York.
EXPECT - Open talks about injuries in the NHL at breakfast.
DON'T EXPECT - Brian Burke to eat waffles at breakfast.
EXPECT - Bettman to ban Lou Lamoriello from using jelly for breakfast.
DON'T EXPECT - Richard Bloch to appeal Bettman's decision.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman to also slap Glen Sather after every offer sheet Sather attempts to sneak in early for Steven Stamkos and Zach Parise.
DON'T EXPECT - Glen Sather to realize that he will have no cap space to sign Brad Richards this summer if he wants to keep Callahan, Dubinsky, Boyle and Anisimov.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman's hairpiece to disappear, while Chris Pronger's car mysteriously drives away.
DON'T EXPECT - The local police to do anything about it. It's not like they're in Montreal or anything...
EXPECT - People to remind Ray Shero that Matt Cooke is still on his team after he complains about Sidney Crosby's concussion.
DON'T EXPECT - To hear Garth Snow to admit Trevor Gillies is a dirty player.
EXPECT - 30 General Managers to suggest that the Phoenix Coyotes move to Winnipeg.
DON'T EXPECT - Gary Bettman to care.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman to express genuine concern for violence in the league today.
DON'T EXPECT - Bettman to point out that violence has lead to Air Canada threatening to remove its sponsorship with the NHL, and thus threatening Bettman's contract, which was not rejected by the league.
EXPECT - Everyone to laugh at the NFL for locking out.
DON'T EXPECT - The NHL to take advantage of the lockout.
EXPECT - One bold executive to question the league's officiating.
DON'T EXPECT - That executive to have a job next year.
EXPECT - Goaltender equipment and neutral zone defense to become a topic of discussion with scoring down this season.
DON'T EXPECT - Lou Lamoriello to refrain from using the jelly jars that Chris Pronger also stole from Bettman to give to Lou when Lou is criticized for using the trap even though every other team uses it...but can't perfect it.
EXPECT - Colin Campbell to crack down on dangerous hits and plays, and to threaten longer suspensions and heavier fines.
DON'T EXPECT - Peter Chiarelli to appear concerned at all...until he trades Gregory Campbell this summer.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman to 'defend' the Rangers' 23% increase in ticket prices next season, despite calling it "greedy."
DON'T EXPECT - Less Ranger fans at road games from now on.
EXPECT - A round of drinks on the house on the last night of meetings at a sports bar.
DON'T EXPECT - Hockey to be available on any of the TVs at the bar.
EXPECT - All the General Managers to feel good about themselves after the meetings.
DON'T EXPECT - Anything to be done about anything discussed during the meetings.
EXPECT - Your team's TV network to have a segment about the meetings next week.
DON'T EXPECT - Anyone in Phoenix to know the meetings ever happened, despite Gary Bettman's continued support of a hockey team in Glendale.
WHAT TO EXPECT - Expect Gary Bettman to complain about rising salaries in the NHL, and his genuine concern about the likely increase in the NHL salary cap this summer.
WHAT NOT TO EXPECT - Do not expect Bettman to acknowledge the fact that he is averaging a higher salary than Ilya Kovalchuk.
EXPECT - To hear about a suspicious looking man that thinks he's whispering into his microphone while simultaneously checking to make sure nobody sees him peeking through into the meeting room.
DON'T EXPECT - Pierre McGuire to say anything insightful while peeking into the meeting room.
EXPECT - Your team's GM to have a tan when he returns next weekend.
DON'T EXPECT - Glen Sather's tan fool you, he probably spent way too much money on it before he left New York.
EXPECT - Open talks about injuries in the NHL at breakfast.
DON'T EXPECT - Brian Burke to eat waffles at breakfast.
EXPECT - Bettman to ban Lou Lamoriello from using jelly for breakfast.
DON'T EXPECT - Richard Bloch to appeal Bettman's decision.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman to also slap Glen Sather after every offer sheet Sather attempts to sneak in early for Steven Stamkos and Zach Parise.
DON'T EXPECT - Glen Sather to realize that he will have no cap space to sign Brad Richards this summer if he wants to keep Callahan, Dubinsky, Boyle and Anisimov.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman's hairpiece to disappear, while Chris Pronger's car mysteriously drives away.
DON'T EXPECT - The local police to do anything about it. It's not like they're in Montreal or anything...
EXPECT - People to remind Ray Shero that Matt Cooke is still on his team after he complains about Sidney Crosby's concussion.
DON'T EXPECT - To hear Garth Snow to admit Trevor Gillies is a dirty player.
EXPECT - 30 General Managers to suggest that the Phoenix Coyotes move to Winnipeg.
DON'T EXPECT - Gary Bettman to care.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman to express genuine concern for violence in the league today.
DON'T EXPECT - Bettman to point out that violence has lead to Air Canada threatening to remove its sponsorship with the NHL, and thus threatening Bettman's contract, which was not rejected by the league.
EXPECT - Everyone to laugh at the NFL for locking out.
DON'T EXPECT - The NHL to take advantage of the lockout.
EXPECT - One bold executive to question the league's officiating.
DON'T EXPECT - That executive to have a job next year.
EXPECT - Goaltender equipment and neutral zone defense to become a topic of discussion with scoring down this season.
DON'T EXPECT - Lou Lamoriello to refrain from using the jelly jars that Chris Pronger also stole from Bettman to give to Lou when Lou is criticized for using the trap even though every other team uses it...but can't perfect it.
EXPECT - Colin Campbell to crack down on dangerous hits and plays, and to threaten longer suspensions and heavier fines.
DON'T EXPECT - Peter Chiarelli to appear concerned at all...until he trades Gregory Campbell this summer.
EXPECT - Gary Bettman to 'defend' the Rangers' 23% increase in ticket prices next season, despite calling it "greedy."
DON'T EXPECT - Less Ranger fans at road games from now on.
EXPECT - A round of drinks on the house on the last night of meetings at a sports bar.
DON'T EXPECT - Hockey to be available on any of the TVs at the bar.
EXPECT - All the General Managers to feel good about themselves after the meetings.
DON'T EXPECT - Anything to be done about anything discussed during the meetings.
EXPECT - Your team's TV network to have a segment about the meetings next week.
DON'T EXPECT - Anyone in Phoenix to know the meetings ever happened, despite Gary Bettman's continued support of a hockey team in Glendale.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Who is the best player in the NHL right now?
For the first half of the season, Sidney Crosby was the best player in the NHL. Following his injury, Steven Stamkos exploded, and some believed he was the best player in the league, but as of today, who's the best player the league has to offer? Check out my analysis.
Henrik & Daniel Sedin - Some NHL statisticians have been claiming that they may have mixed up some of the points awarded to Daniel Sedin. They said something about not being able to tell him apart from his linemate. Ironically enough, they said the same think about Henrik. Excuses...
Steven Stamkos - While he's a nice guy, he didn't have to take measures to such extremes as to cool off his goal scoring to wait for Sidney Crosby to come back from his concussion. This has Martin St. Louis annoyed.
Alex Ovechkin - Ovechkin leads the NHL in shots, yet he has managed to be tied with a NY Islander, John Tavares, for 21st in the NHL in goals, and trails another Islander, Michael Grabner, overall. Another interesting point is that while they may live in the same city, it may be tougher for Ovechkin to visit the White House than teams from far away.
Corey Perry - While Perry is talented, he hasn't managed to take a big step into becoming a true NHL star. How do you accomplish that? Have your name mentioned on ESPN at least once a year.
Mikhail Grabovski - Hey, just because he's the best player on the Leafs does not automatically mean he's the best player in the NHL...
Henrik Zetterberg - He doesn't lead the league in any statistical categories, but I'd love to know what he wears to games on gameday, especially after pulling this off at his wedding. http://bit.ly/eiVofr
Matt Cooke - Amazingly, this pesky dirty forward does not lead his team in suspended games.
Loui Eriksson - Two thoughts come to mind when thinking about Eriksson, especially to the casual hockey fan, and it can't be both. Who? OR Most talented athlete in the state of Texas. Actually, I'm pretty sure nobody in Texas thinks that...
Brad Richards - Yes, Richards is having another great season, but consider 2 things: He's un unrestricted free agent at the end of the season, and might be signed by the NY Rangers. Glen Sather then overpays for Richards, and Richards becomes bust #2334 in New York, just behind Wade Redden and Carl Pavano.
Sidney Crosby - He didn't have enough time to lock up the Art Ross trophy before he got knocked out, but I'll tell you what he does have plenty of time to do right now: develop normal facial hair. When he does, he'll have to teach Jeff Skinner how to do it.
Paul Bissonnette - These days, people are judged by how many followers they have on Twitter, right?
Eric Staal - Not sure about Eriksson in Texas, but it's safe to say Eric Staal is North Carolina's most talented athlete, yes, including college basketball. I don't think any Carolina Panthers will be upset or insulted that I said that...once someone tells them who Eric Staal is.
Keith Yandle - The 24 year old has 41 assists in 59 games from the blue line, trailing 3 Swedes and St. Louis in the league. Now, put him on a team with real offensive players, and he's a superstar.
Brandon Dubinsky - Dubinsky is tied with Lucic for the NHL lead in empty net goals.
Dustin Byfuglien - If he was an actual defenseman, his stats would be quite impressive, but he's not, nor is he a candidate for the Selke Trophy. Still, I figured I'd include him because I remembered how to spell his name correctly.
Sean Avery - Whoa, I have no idea how that got there.
Chris Pronger - His ability to shatter fellow players and intimidate them just by being in the same state has to draw some consideration. That may reveal why Crosby and Malkin will be out so long.
Ilya Kovalchuk - Only Couture has more game-winning goals than Ilya, nobody has more overtime goals than Kovy, he's also scored the first goal of a game seven times, and he only has one empty net goal. Since he has 4 game winners over the past two weeks, and he's got points in 9 straight games, goals in 4 straight, as well as 11 goals during the Devils' 14-1-2 run, I conclude that Kovalchuk is the best player in the league right now...no bias.
Henrik & Daniel Sedin - Some NHL statisticians have been claiming that they may have mixed up some of the points awarded to Daniel Sedin. They said something about not being able to tell him apart from his linemate. Ironically enough, they said the same think about Henrik. Excuses...
Steven Stamkos - While he's a nice guy, he didn't have to take measures to such extremes as to cool off his goal scoring to wait for Sidney Crosby to come back from his concussion. This has Martin St. Louis annoyed.
Alex Ovechkin - Ovechkin leads the NHL in shots, yet he has managed to be tied with a NY Islander, John Tavares, for 21st in the NHL in goals, and trails another Islander, Michael Grabner, overall. Another interesting point is that while they may live in the same city, it may be tougher for Ovechkin to visit the White House than teams from far away.
Corey Perry - While Perry is talented, he hasn't managed to take a big step into becoming a true NHL star. How do you accomplish that? Have your name mentioned on ESPN at least once a year.
Mikhail Grabovski - Hey, just because he's the best player on the Leafs does not automatically mean he's the best player in the NHL...
Henrik Zetterberg - He doesn't lead the league in any statistical categories, but I'd love to know what he wears to games on gameday, especially after pulling this off at his wedding. http://bit.ly/eiVofr
Matt Cooke - Amazingly, this pesky dirty forward does not lead his team in suspended games.
Loui Eriksson - Two thoughts come to mind when thinking about Eriksson, especially to the casual hockey fan, and it can't be both. Who? OR Most talented athlete in the state of Texas. Actually, I'm pretty sure nobody in Texas thinks that...
Brad Richards - Yes, Richards is having another great season, but consider 2 things: He's un unrestricted free agent at the end of the season, and might be signed by the NY Rangers. Glen Sather then overpays for Richards, and Richards becomes bust #2334 in New York, just behind Wade Redden and Carl Pavano.
Sidney Crosby - He didn't have enough time to lock up the Art Ross trophy before he got knocked out, but I'll tell you what he does have plenty of time to do right now: develop normal facial hair. When he does, he'll have to teach Jeff Skinner how to do it.
Paul Bissonnette - These days, people are judged by how many followers they have on Twitter, right?
Eric Staal - Not sure about Eriksson in Texas, but it's safe to say Eric Staal is North Carolina's most talented athlete, yes, including college basketball. I don't think any Carolina Panthers will be upset or insulted that I said that...once someone tells them who Eric Staal is.
Keith Yandle - The 24 year old has 41 assists in 59 games from the blue line, trailing 3 Swedes and St. Louis in the league. Now, put him on a team with real offensive players, and he's a superstar.
Brandon Dubinsky - Dubinsky is tied with Lucic for the NHL lead in empty net goals.
Dustin Byfuglien - If he was an actual defenseman, his stats would be quite impressive, but he's not, nor is he a candidate for the Selke Trophy. Still, I figured I'd include him because I remembered how to spell his name correctly.
Chris Pronger - His ability to shatter fellow players and intimidate them just by being in the same state has to draw some consideration. That may reveal why Crosby and Malkin will be out so long.
Ilya Kovalchuk - Only Couture has more game-winning goals than Ilya, nobody has more overtime goals than Kovy, he's also scored the first goal of a game seven times, and he only has one empty net goal. Since he has 4 game winners over the past two weeks, and he's got points in 9 straight games, goals in 4 straight, as well as 11 goals during the Devils' 14-1-2 run, I conclude that Kovalchuk is the best player in the league right now...no bias.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
A player's guide to recovering from concussions
With the growing number of NHL players, and all professional and amateur athletes suffering from concussions, I thought it would be helpful if I offered advice to NHL players, helping them decide when to return to action after their injury has subsided.
- If you're name is Marc Savard, do not miraculously recover from your concussion because you see the Pittsburgh Penguins as your next opponent. Take the extra time to rest and hope that Shawn Thornton and Matt Cooke go at it.
- Now that Chris Pronger is back from his injury, you might want to reconsider speeding up your recovery with the Philadelphia Flyers on the upcoming schedule.
- If you happen to be David Booth, well, just keep your head up.
- Not to name names, but just because you've been injured with a concussion doesn't give you any special rights to complain to the men in stripes when you come back.
- Henrik Lundqvist is not a human punching bag. He does have feelings, and he'll let them out if you challenge him to.
- If you ever feel your symptoms coming back, run to Colin Campbell's office and claim that you were hit from a blindside angle by David Steckel.
- If you were recently suspended for injuring a Detroit Red Wing and you play for the Calgary Flames, and you can't reach Darryl Sutter, keep trying, he'll answer eventually. Jay Feaster won't last forever.
- If you play for the New Jersey Devils, battle through it. If you go down for a significant amount of time, you probably won't be able to get traded out of New Jersey.
- Unlike New Jersey, if you are a Toronto Maple Leaf, you will be taught to work for next year. They haven't needed to rush guys back for April in a while.
- If you happen to be in the Phoenix market and you notice that you aren't attracing much attention with your injury, it's nothing personal. Unless your known name is "BizNasty2point0," you probably aren't getting a lot of attention anyway.
- Having a concussion does not entitle you to free ice cream...just saying.
- There is a difference between missing the All-Star game due to a concussion and boycotting it...in case anyone was wondering.
- If you're Sidney Crosby, you might be under a great deal of pressure to get back into games from your buddy, Gary Bettman. Don't listen to him for 2 reasons: a) you'll get under his skin (again) and b) his ploy of injuring Evgeni Malkin just to get you back sooner shouldn't work. Remember, you have the Devils tonight.
- If you're a goalie, you're better off getting back ASAP. There's enough decent goalies that you might be out a job by time you get back.
- If you happen to be a player such as Alex Kovalev and you suffer a concussion, relax, the season's more than halfway done, and you won't have to worry about the playoffs anyway.
- Just because you're in a slump offensively doesn't mean you're automatically injured. Hey, you never know, you might come back and score 4 goals tonight...
- If you are missing the All-Star Game due to a concussion and your name is not Sidney Crosby, don't worry, nobody will miss you...or even notice.
*If you have something to say, positive, negative, somewhere in between, please let me know by commenting below, e-mailing me at DownGoesAvery@aol.com or by following me on Twitter (@DownGoesAvery). If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to my posts on the right side of the main page. Thanks for reading the most popular blog on the web...that's about making fun of hockey players and subliminally attacking Sean Avery run by a Devils fan.
- If you're name is Marc Savard, do not miraculously recover from your concussion because you see the Pittsburgh Penguins as your next opponent. Take the extra time to rest and hope that Shawn Thornton and Matt Cooke go at it.
- Now that Chris Pronger is back from his injury, you might want to reconsider speeding up your recovery with the Philadelphia Flyers on the upcoming schedule.
- If you happen to be David Booth, well, just keep your head up.
- Not to name names, but just because you've been injured with a concussion doesn't give you any special rights to complain to the men in stripes when you come back.
- Henrik Lundqvist is not a human punching bag. He does have feelings, and he'll let them out if you challenge him to.
- If you ever feel your symptoms coming back, run to Colin Campbell's office and claim that you were hit from a blindside angle by David Steckel.
- If you were recently suspended for injuring a Detroit Red Wing and you play for the Calgary Flames, and you can't reach Darryl Sutter, keep trying, he'll answer eventually. Jay Feaster won't last forever.
- If you play for the New Jersey Devils, battle through it. If you go down for a significant amount of time, you probably won't be able to get traded out of New Jersey.
- Unlike New Jersey, if you are a Toronto Maple Leaf, you will be taught to work for next year. They haven't needed to rush guys back for April in a while.
- If you happen to be in the Phoenix market and you notice that you aren't attracing much attention with your injury, it's nothing personal. Unless your known name is "BizNasty2point0," you probably aren't getting a lot of attention anyway.
- Having a concussion does not entitle you to free ice cream...just saying.
- There is a difference between missing the All-Star game due to a concussion and boycotting it...in case anyone was wondering.
- If you're Sidney Crosby, you might be under a great deal of pressure to get back into games from your buddy, Gary Bettman. Don't listen to him for 2 reasons: a) you'll get under his skin (again) and b) his ploy of injuring Evgeni Malkin just to get you back sooner shouldn't work. Remember, you have the Devils tonight.
- If you're a goalie, you're better off getting back ASAP. There's enough decent goalies that you might be out a job by time you get back.
- If you happen to be a player such as Alex Kovalev and you suffer a concussion, relax, the season's more than halfway done, and you won't have to worry about the playoffs anyway.
- Just because you're in a slump offensively doesn't mean you're automatically injured. Hey, you never know, you might come back and score 4 goals tonight...
- If you are missing the All-Star Game due to a concussion and your name is not Sidney Crosby, don't worry, nobody will miss you...or even notice.
*If you have something to say, positive, negative, somewhere in between, please let me know by commenting below, e-mailing me at DownGoesAvery@aol.com or by following me on Twitter (@DownGoesAvery). If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to my posts on the right side of the main page. Thanks for reading the most popular blog on the web...that's about making fun of hockey players and subliminally attacking Sean Avery run by a Devils fan.
Monday, January 10, 2011
First 10 days of 2011...the good, the bad and the ugly for the NHL
We're already 10 days into 2011, which means there's only 355 days remaining (what a minute, is this a leap year? ... No? ... Good!) It's time to take a look at the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of the early portion of 2011 in the NHL.
The GOOD:
- Chris Pronger hasn't played a game this year.
- Sidney Crosby shaved. Yeah, I know, that was not a fake mustache. At least I don't think it was.
The BAD:
- Anyone watching post-game Winter Classic coverage had to see Gary Bettman. That alone makes hockey fans sick.
- A 6-game suspension for Tom Kostopuolos after he broke the jaw of Brad Stuart. You know, back in the ancient days, they would have broken Kostopuolos' jaw as a penalty.
The UGLY:
- Dan Ellis. Well, maybe not Ellis himself, but his play. If you want literally ugly, see "The BAD."
- Maybe Crosby's mustache belongs here...
- Rangers just traded Roszival for Phoenix's Wolski. They now drop Roszival and Redden's contract and need a bad defenseman. They can call Lou about Tallinder. Obviously, GM Don Maloney has been watching too much of his brother, Dave Maloney, on TV, talking about Roszival. Now if you're Wolski, imagine going from Phoenix to New York. He'll probably wonder "oh, there is such thing as a sellout." Either that or "Did they have the mute button on in Phoenix every game?"
What will happen next?
Well, I'm no analyst, but I sense two major trades occuring. First, the Rangers' Alex Frolov is done for the season with an ACL injury, meaning the Rangers are in need of a really bad contract on their team. Have no fear, Glen Sather's good buddy Lou Lamoriello has a great idea: Brian Rolston for a 1st round draft pick in 2011. Or 2012. Or never. Whatever works.
The second trade involves the Devils...again. Except I sense the Devils will be buyers to an extent (Ilya Kovalchuk immediately hears "BUYS" and looks up). The Devils have a lot of Swedish presence on the roster, and unfortunately, they traded Niclas Bergfors and Johnny Oduya away last year for Anssi Salmela...and another player whose name eludes me right now. They've also had their share of absolutely awful Swedish defense, I won't name names though (*Alex Urbom and Henrik Tallinder...cough, cough*). This calls for Lou to re-trade the 3rd round conditional pick he received for Jamie Langenbrunner to Sweden for Niclas Havelid.
What to expect:
Expect the unexpected...what's that? No, I do not think the Islanders are going to win the Stanley Cup this season.
Expect the possibility of the first-ever forward to win a Norris Trophy this year. Yes, Dustin Byfuglien. You can't argue that he's a defenseman, because that implies him playing defense.
P.S.
In a recent USHL game, a defenseman fired a slapshot that hit the post. As you can see, the puck split in half. The rumor after the game was that Zdeno Chara disguised himself and played in that game, but I don't believe that.
That was cool, but not quite as cool as this Dion Phaneuf memory. That was cool.
Last thing: I know many of you are in horror that Sean Avery scored a goal recently. Look, I'm trying to get through this just like everyone else his. Hopefully the world will restore justice and he goes back to...doing whatever he does, like screening goalies without being an idiot.
The GOOD:
- Chris Pronger hasn't played a game this year.
- Sidney Crosby shaved. Yeah, I know, that was not a fake mustache. At least I don't think it was.
The BAD:
- Anyone watching post-game Winter Classic coverage had to see Gary Bettman. That alone makes hockey fans sick.
- A 6-game suspension for Tom Kostopuolos after he broke the jaw of Brad Stuart. You know, back in the ancient days, they would have broken Kostopuolos' jaw as a penalty.
The UGLY:
- Dan Ellis. Well, maybe not Ellis himself, but his play. If you want literally ugly, see "The BAD."
- Maybe Crosby's mustache belongs here...
- Rangers just traded Roszival for Phoenix's Wolski. They now drop Roszival and Redden's contract and need a bad defenseman. They can call Lou about Tallinder. Obviously, GM Don Maloney has been watching too much of his brother, Dave Maloney, on TV, talking about Roszival. Now if you're Wolski, imagine going from Phoenix to New York. He'll probably wonder "oh, there is such thing as a sellout." Either that or "Did they have the mute button on in Phoenix every game?"
What will happen next?
Well, I'm no analyst, but I sense two major trades occuring. First, the Rangers' Alex Frolov is done for the season with an ACL injury, meaning the Rangers are in need of a really bad contract on their team. Have no fear, Glen Sather's good buddy Lou Lamoriello has a great idea: Brian Rolston for a 1st round draft pick in 2011. Or 2012. Or never. Whatever works.
The second trade involves the Devils...again. Except I sense the Devils will be buyers to an extent (Ilya Kovalchuk immediately hears "BUYS" and looks up). The Devils have a lot of Swedish presence on the roster, and unfortunately, they traded Niclas Bergfors and Johnny Oduya away last year for Anssi Salmela...and another player whose name eludes me right now. They've also had their share of absolutely awful Swedish defense, I won't name names though (*Alex Urbom and Henrik Tallinder...cough, cough*). This calls for Lou to re-trade the 3rd round conditional pick he received for Jamie Langenbrunner to Sweden for Niclas Havelid.
What to expect:
Expect the unexpected...what's that? No, I do not think the Islanders are going to win the Stanley Cup this season.
Expect the possibility of the first-ever forward to win a Norris Trophy this year. Yes, Dustin Byfuglien. You can't argue that he's a defenseman, because that implies him playing defense.
P.S.
In a recent USHL game, a defenseman fired a slapshot that hit the post. As you can see, the puck split in half. The rumor after the game was that Zdeno Chara disguised himself and played in that game, but I don't believe that.
That was cool, but not quite as cool as this Dion Phaneuf memory. That was cool.
Last thing: I know many of you are in horror that Sean Avery scored a goal recently. Look, I'm trying to get through this just like everyone else his. Hopefully the world will restore justice and he goes back to...doing whatever he does, like screening goalies without being an idiot.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Exclusive: Dialog from Devils' 2010 Christmas party
Every year, GM Lou Lamoriello and Devils management hosts a Christmas party that the entire team is invited to. This year, unlike most of the past two decades, the Devils are not a playoff team and in no way looking back on 2010 with good memories. With that said, there were interesting conversations that took place during the party. Take a look:
*Location: Devils' practice facility, AmeriHealth Pavilion, next to Prudential Center
Lou Lamoriello: On behalf on the New Jersey Devils, I would like to welcome you to the annual Devils Christmas party! (*hears crash in background*) As you know, we are proud to be a part of this hockey team! (*hears another crash*) For some of you, this is your first Devils Christmas party, and for others, it may be your last (*hears another crash*)...What the HELL is that??
Martin Brodeur: umm, Lou, some of the players are slipping and falling. Why did you host the party here on the ice at our practice facility?
Lou Lamoriello: I think you know very well why (*turns to Ilya Kovalchuk*).
Ilya Kovalchuk: What, me???
Lou Lamoriello: When we got handed the $3 million fine by the league, we knew we would have some budget cuts to make. (*hears another noise, and a near-fight break out*) MARTY!
Martin Brodeur: What? (*all Devils defensemen laying down on the ice holding certain parts of their bodies in pain*) I didn't do anything...
Lou Lamoriello: Anyway, umm, I am now going to recite my annual Christmas speech to you guys! (*veterans roll eyes*)
It is my honor to be part of such a proud organization that has a rich history of winning at the highest level. As you know, this season is status quo and another season that we are en route to our pursuit of our fourth Stanley Cup championship. I have been a part of this organization for...umm, well a long time, and this is the most talented group of guys I've seen yet, and...
Martin Brodeur: LOU!!!
Lou Lamoriello: Yes, Marty?
Martin Brodeur: That's the same speech you've been reading to us since 2003.
Lou Lamoriello: It is? (*checks date*) (mumbles: December 25th, 2003.) Oh, you're right, how about that? Give me one second (*shuffles through papers*), Here we go!
Dear Mr. Commissioner Gettman, ahem, Brettman, umm, Bettman! That's it! I know you and I haven't really gotten along for the better part of our careers, but I have presented a unique proposal to you. As you know, we had a rough summer trying to sign Ilya Kovalchuk to a ridiculous contract I would never have signed had I not been forced to under the watchful eyes of my owner, Jeff Vanderbeek, but I wanted to know if you would give us a refund...a re-refund...oops.
Ilya Kovalchuk: Zat ees what you sink of me??
(*Chico Resch walks in*) Chico Resch: Hey guys, sorry I'm late, I was...well it's not like I was at the Islanders Christmas party or anything! What did I miss? (*slips on ice and falls*)
Mattias Tedenby (in Swedish): (*to Henrik Tallinder, Johan Hedberg and Jacob Josefson) I'm thinking we should get the hell out of here.
Henrik Tallinder: Yeah, good idea. I'll drive. (*four Swedish players sneak out back door*)
Stan Fischler (*walking in late*): Hey, everybody. Guess what? The Rangers just gave all their players these beaut-ee-ful sweaters, look at them (*holds up sweater with FISCHLER written on back*)!
Lou Lamoriello: Now, now, Stan, you know I banned you from being on air on TV because of your bad PR, let's not start now.
Stan Fischler: You did? Huh, I didn't realize that.
Chico Resch: Can you guys hurry up, I'm really hungry!
Martin Brodeur: That makes two of us!
Lou Lamoriello: Okay, calm down guys. You know what we have to do before we eat, right?
Anton Volchenkov: Let me guess, hit everyone as hard as you can!
Lou Lamoriello: Well, not exactly.
Anton Volchenkov: YESS!!! (*goes and hip-checks David Clarkson, then knocks Colin White into boards*)
Lou Lamoriello: Anton! (*Volchenkov stops and looks at Lou*) Now, I want to go in a line, starting with the captains, and state one thing you're thankful for this past season. Jamie, we start with you.
Jamie Langenbrunner: umm, it's the last year of my contract!
Lou Lamoriello: That's very nice. Jamie, you pick the next player.
Jamie Langenbrunner: umm, Greeney, go.
Andy Greene: I'm with Jamie. Last year of my contract.
Lou Lamoriello: That's awfully nice. How about we go to Patty. You've been quiet tonight.
Patrik Elias: I am thankful that I got to represent my country in the Olympics!
Lou Lamoriello: Very good, very good! Now...(*hears banging on facility door. Turns to see an angry John MacLean banging on the door*) how about we go to...Ilya!
Ilya Kovalchuk: I em thankful zat I get zis few days off to be with my family.
(*Lou hears MacLean still banging on the window.*) Lou Lamoriello: Can someone tell John that he's not coaching here anymore?
Jacques Lemaire: Let him in, it's alright with me.
Lou Lamoriello: Well it's not alright with ME!
Jacques Lemaire: Let the man in!
Lou Lamoriello: You know what, you're FIRED!
Jamie Langenbrunner: YES!!!
Jason Arnott (*to himself*): Why exactly did I want to come back here?
Jacques Lemaire: Fine, I never wanted to come back. (*storms out door*)
Lou Lamoriello: (*heads to door*) Come on in, Johnny! Guess what, you're our new coach!
John MacLean: Again??
Lou Lamoriello: Yeah, isn't that great?
John MacLean: Actually, I just wanted to show you guys what the Rangers are giving their alumni at their Christmas party (*holds up sweater similar to Fischler's*)
Lou Lamoriello: Yeah, we know. Okay, that's it. I'm coaching this team. (*John MacLean leaves*)
*At this point, most of the Devils players are sitting on the ice looking around for food.
Zach Parise: Lou, can we please get some food here?
Lou Lamoriello: Players on IR eat last, you should know that. Oh, actually, you've never been on IR. I got that idea from Garth Snow. He makes Rick DiPietro eat last every year!
Zach Parise: (*turns to Zajac*) He thinks I'm re-signing here for nothing, too. Why don't you ask for a trade. I'll sign wherever you go.
Travis Zajac: Sure thing. My agent and I were looking at houses in Denver.
Zach Parise: Hmm, that would be fun. Paul Stastny is a good American.
Travis Zajac: Or we could go to LA.
Zach Parise: Even better!
Lou Lamoriello: Okay, rookies eat first! (*looks around*) Hey, where'd the rookies go? Where's Tedenby? Where's Josefson?
Martin Brodeur (*turns to rest of team*): This could get ugly. (*Anton Volchenkov lightly punches White in back again*)
Chris Pronger (*walks in*): Hey guys (*shoves large piece of steak in his mouth*), what's up?
Zach Parise: Oh no! (*hides*)
Chris Pronger: The, uh, food over at the Flyers Christmas party...really good stuff!!
Martin Brodeur: Really??
Chris Pronger: Sure is! Nieds and I just left there.
Lou Lamoriello: Scott Niedermayer?
Chris Pronger: Yeah! Practically the whole Canadian Olympic team was there!
Martin Brodeur: Wait, why didn't they call me?
Chris Pronger: Well, you know...anyway, I'll see you later, guys! (*stuffs more food into mouth and leaves*)
Martin Brodeur: Lou, where's the food?
Lou Lamoriello: (*checks watch*) Don't worry, everything is status quo! (*turns to Jeff Vanderbeek*) Dammit, we're not retiring Niedermayer's number!
Jeff Vanderbeek: Please, Lou, please! I need to sell out at least one more game this year!
Lou Lamoriello: Fine. (*takes out phone and dials number*) Hi, Jacques? Yeah, you're hired again. (*hangs up*)
Sean Avery (*enters room in new modeling clothes*): Hey, do you guys know where Stan Fischler went? He left right before his turn at the karaoke came!
Stan Fischler: Here we go! (*runs for exit and leaves*)
Sean Avery: Oh, okay, haven't seen him? It's okay, we'll find him! (*waves at Martin Brodeur*) Oh, by the way, did you know if I was on the Devils, I'd be 4th in points! 4th!!! AND I lead the league in penalty minutes! (*Leaves*)
Lou Lamoriello: Anyway, that's all the time we have for tonight, thanks for coming and we'll see you at practice on the 26th!
Martin Brodeur: Ugh... (*looks outside and sees Gary Bettman drive by and waves at Marty*) I swear I saw Sidney Crosby in that car...
Chico Resch: I'm going back to the Islanders party, I'm starving!
Ilya Kovalchuk: I miss zee Thrashers!
Lou Lamoriello (*picks up phone*): Oh, just got invited to board of governors Christmas party! See ya, guys! If any alumni come, they're welcome to the food.
Chico Resch (*turns around*): Food???
*Location: Devils' practice facility, AmeriHealth Pavilion, next to Prudential Center
Lou Lamoriello: On behalf on the New Jersey Devils, I would like to welcome you to the annual Devils Christmas party! (*hears crash in background*) As you know, we are proud to be a part of this hockey team! (*hears another crash*) For some of you, this is your first Devils Christmas party, and for others, it may be your last (*hears another crash*)...What the HELL is that??
Martin Brodeur: umm, Lou, some of the players are slipping and falling. Why did you host the party here on the ice at our practice facility?
Lou Lamoriello: I think you know very well why (*turns to Ilya Kovalchuk*).
Ilya Kovalchuk: What, me???
Lou Lamoriello: When we got handed the $3 million fine by the league, we knew we would have some budget cuts to make. (*hears another noise, and a near-fight break out*) MARTY!
Martin Brodeur: What? (*all Devils defensemen laying down on the ice holding certain parts of their bodies in pain*) I didn't do anything...
Lou Lamoriello: Anyway, umm, I am now going to recite my annual Christmas speech to you guys! (*veterans roll eyes*)
It is my honor to be part of such a proud organization that has a rich history of winning at the highest level. As you know, this season is status quo and another season that we are en route to our pursuit of our fourth Stanley Cup championship. I have been a part of this organization for...umm, well a long time, and this is the most talented group of guys I've seen yet, and...
Martin Brodeur: LOU!!!
Lou Lamoriello: Yes, Marty?
Martin Brodeur: That's the same speech you've been reading to us since 2003.
Lou Lamoriello: It is? (*checks date*) (mumbles: December 25th, 2003.) Oh, you're right, how about that? Give me one second (*shuffles through papers*), Here we go!
Dear Mr. Commissioner Gettman, ahem, Brettman, umm, Bettman! That's it! I know you and I haven't really gotten along for the better part of our careers, but I have presented a unique proposal to you. As you know, we had a rough summer trying to sign Ilya Kovalchuk to a ridiculous contract I would never have signed had I not been forced to under the watchful eyes of my owner, Jeff Vanderbeek, but I wanted to know if you would give us a refund...a re-refund...oops.
Ilya Kovalchuk: Zat ees what you sink of me??
(*Chico Resch walks in*) Chico Resch: Hey guys, sorry I'm late, I was...well it's not like I was at the Islanders Christmas party or anything! What did I miss? (*slips on ice and falls*)
Mattias Tedenby (in Swedish): (*to Henrik Tallinder, Johan Hedberg and Jacob Josefson) I'm thinking we should get the hell out of here.
Henrik Tallinder: Yeah, good idea. I'll drive. (*four Swedish players sneak out back door*)
Stan Fischler (*walking in late*): Hey, everybody. Guess what? The Rangers just gave all their players these beaut-ee-ful sweaters, look at them (*holds up sweater with FISCHLER written on back*)!
Lou Lamoriello: Now, now, Stan, you know I banned you from being on air on TV because of your bad PR, let's not start now.
Stan Fischler: You did? Huh, I didn't realize that.
Chico Resch: Can you guys hurry up, I'm really hungry!
Martin Brodeur: That makes two of us!
Lou Lamoriello: Okay, calm down guys. You know what we have to do before we eat, right?
Anton Volchenkov: Let me guess, hit everyone as hard as you can!
Lou Lamoriello: Well, not exactly.
Anton Volchenkov: YESS!!! (*goes and hip-checks David Clarkson, then knocks Colin White into boards*)
Lou Lamoriello: Anton! (*Volchenkov stops and looks at Lou*) Now, I want to go in a line, starting with the captains, and state one thing you're thankful for this past season. Jamie, we start with you.
Jamie Langenbrunner: umm, it's the last year of my contract!
Lou Lamoriello: That's very nice. Jamie, you pick the next player.
Jamie Langenbrunner: umm, Greeney, go.
Andy Greene: I'm with Jamie. Last year of my contract.
Lou Lamoriello: That's awfully nice. How about we go to Patty. You've been quiet tonight.
Patrik Elias: I am thankful that I got to represent my country in the Olympics!
Lou Lamoriello: Very good, very good! Now...(*hears banging on facility door. Turns to see an angry John MacLean banging on the door*) how about we go to...Ilya!
Ilya Kovalchuk: I em thankful zat I get zis few days off to be with my family.
(*Lou hears MacLean still banging on the window.*) Lou Lamoriello: Can someone tell John that he's not coaching here anymore?
Jacques Lemaire: Let him in, it's alright with me.
Lou Lamoriello: Well it's not alright with ME!
Jacques Lemaire: Let the man in!
Lou Lamoriello: You know what, you're FIRED!
Jamie Langenbrunner: YES!!!
Jason Arnott (*to himself*): Why exactly did I want to come back here?
Jacques Lemaire: Fine, I never wanted to come back. (*storms out door*)
Lou Lamoriello: (*heads to door*) Come on in, Johnny! Guess what, you're our new coach!
John MacLean: Again??
Lou Lamoriello: Yeah, isn't that great?
John MacLean: Actually, I just wanted to show you guys what the Rangers are giving their alumni at their Christmas party (*holds up sweater similar to Fischler's*)
Lou Lamoriello: Yeah, we know. Okay, that's it. I'm coaching this team. (*John MacLean leaves*)
*At this point, most of the Devils players are sitting on the ice looking around for food.
Zach Parise: Lou, can we please get some food here?
Lou Lamoriello: Players on IR eat last, you should know that. Oh, actually, you've never been on IR. I got that idea from Garth Snow. He makes Rick DiPietro eat last every year!
Zach Parise: (*turns to Zajac*) He thinks I'm re-signing here for nothing, too. Why don't you ask for a trade. I'll sign wherever you go.
Travis Zajac: Sure thing. My agent and I were looking at houses in Denver.
Zach Parise: Hmm, that would be fun. Paul Stastny is a good American.
Travis Zajac: Or we could go to LA.
Zach Parise: Even better!
Lou Lamoriello: Okay, rookies eat first! (*looks around*) Hey, where'd the rookies go? Where's Tedenby? Where's Josefson?
Martin Brodeur (*turns to rest of team*): This could get ugly. (*Anton Volchenkov lightly punches White in back again*)
Chris Pronger (*walks in*): Hey guys (*shoves large piece of steak in his mouth*), what's up?
Zach Parise: Oh no! (*hides*)
Chris Pronger: The, uh, food over at the Flyers Christmas party...really good stuff!!
Martin Brodeur: Really??
Chris Pronger: Sure is! Nieds and I just left there.
Lou Lamoriello: Scott Niedermayer?
Chris Pronger: Yeah! Practically the whole Canadian Olympic team was there!
Martin Brodeur: Wait, why didn't they call me?
Chris Pronger: Well, you know...anyway, I'll see you later, guys! (*stuffs more food into mouth and leaves*)
Martin Brodeur: Lou, where's the food?
Lou Lamoriello: (*checks watch*) Don't worry, everything is status quo! (*turns to Jeff Vanderbeek*) Dammit, we're not retiring Niedermayer's number!
Jeff Vanderbeek: Please, Lou, please! I need to sell out at least one more game this year!
Lou Lamoriello: Fine. (*takes out phone and dials number*) Hi, Jacques? Yeah, you're hired again. (*hangs up*)
Sean Avery (*enters room in new modeling clothes*): Hey, do you guys know where Stan Fischler went? He left right before his turn at the karaoke came!
Stan Fischler: Here we go! (*runs for exit and leaves*)
Sean Avery: Oh, okay, haven't seen him? It's okay, we'll find him! (*waves at Martin Brodeur*) Oh, by the way, did you know if I was on the Devils, I'd be 4th in points! 4th!!! AND I lead the league in penalty minutes! (*Leaves*)
Lou Lamoriello: Anyway, that's all the time we have for tonight, thanks for coming and we'll see you at practice on the 26th!
Martin Brodeur: Ugh... (*looks outside and sees Gary Bettman drive by and waves at Marty*) I swear I saw Sidney Crosby in that car...
Chico Resch: I'm going back to the Islanders party, I'm starving!
Ilya Kovalchuk: I miss zee Thrashers!
Lou Lamoriello (*picks up phone*): Oh, just got invited to board of governors Christmas party! See ya, guys! If any alumni come, they're welcome to the food.
Chico Resch (*turns around*): Food???
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Most bizarre things thrown onto the ice during a hockey game
As you may or may not know, Toronto Maple Leafs fans are quite creative. What would most fans do when their team struggles or loses? Actually, most people would do nothing, some would do what I do, and complain on a blog, and some would even go as far as updating their Facebook or Twitter accounts. I was at game 7 of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals between the Devils and Hurricanes in 2008, the year the 'Canes came back and knocked the Devils out of the playoffs. Beer bottles, towels, even jerseys were thrown to the ice in frustration.
There have been many unique ceremonials objects tossed to the ice that pertain to certain events. Hats are thrown to the ice when a player scores his third goal of a game, octopi are thrown to the ice in Detroit during the playoffs (8 wins used to win the Cup, now it is twice that, hence the eight legs of the octopus), and even once, Wings fans threw beef onto the ice. Who would forget the Florida Panthers fans throwing mice onto the ice during the mid-1990s after Scott Mellenby killed a rat in the Panthers' locker room. A Flyers fan even threw a smoke bomb onto the ice in Philadelphia in a game against the Devils a couple years ago. Also, former Devils coach Robbie Ftorek even threw the home team's bench onto the ice. An online campaign led Phoenix Coyotes fans to throwing rubber snakes onto the ice.
But all of those people may have been topped recently. A Toronto Maple Leafs fan threw...waffles onto the ice as he was disgusted with his team's performance during a 6-3 loss to the Atlanta Thrashers. Waffles. Really?!
- First of all, who brings waffles to a hockey game? Is the ACC's restaurant really that bad?
- The fan is now in jail. I want to know something, how many people were injured by this waffle tossing? How is this more violent than hats? You don't see arena staff encouraging fans to throw hats onto the ice...
- If Toronto had played Philly that night, one must wonder if Chris Pronger would have eaten the waffles. Come to think of it, I'm kinda surprised Big Buff resisted.
- The Leafs banned the fan from the arena. One must wonder if this had happened on Long Island, if the fan would have been rewarded with free season tickets. After all, the Isles are desperate to sell tickets.
- I think the ACC should have free waffle night.
- Aren't Leaf fans used to losing by now? I guess they still weren't used to losing to Atlanta.
- The ACC should really work on arena security. If they're so concerned about fans bringing in waffles, maybe pancakes, or even french toast could be next. Oh wait, french toast is only in Montreal. Quebec is French, Ontario is Italian.
- Devils fans should have thrown doughnuts onto the ice after...well, you know when.
- Where was Phil Kessel? He shoots everything in sight on the ice, while Plaxico Burress shoots himself off the field.
- Okay, that last one was pretty bad.
- I have a better idea than waffles. Throw pucks onto the ice during play and see if the Leafs can score with two pucks at once. Probably not, but it's an idea.
- If Gary Bettman was the GM of the Leafs, he probably would have fined the fan $3 million and two draft picks in his fantasy league.
- If this fan likes waffles so much, is he a Toronto Maple Syrups fan?
There have been many unique ceremonials objects tossed to the ice that pertain to certain events. Hats are thrown to the ice when a player scores his third goal of a game, octopi are thrown to the ice in Detroit during the playoffs (8 wins used to win the Cup, now it is twice that, hence the eight legs of the octopus), and even once, Wings fans threw beef onto the ice. Who would forget the Florida Panthers fans throwing mice onto the ice during the mid-1990s after Scott Mellenby killed a rat in the Panthers' locker room. A Flyers fan even threw a smoke bomb onto the ice in Philadelphia in a game against the Devils a couple years ago. Also, former Devils coach Robbie Ftorek even threw the home team's bench onto the ice. An online campaign led Phoenix Coyotes fans to throwing rubber snakes onto the ice.
But all of those people may have been topped recently. A Toronto Maple Leafs fan threw...waffles onto the ice as he was disgusted with his team's performance during a 6-3 loss to the Atlanta Thrashers. Waffles. Really?!
- First of all, who brings waffles to a hockey game? Is the ACC's restaurant really that bad?
- The fan is now in jail. I want to know something, how many people were injured by this waffle tossing? How is this more violent than hats? You don't see arena staff encouraging fans to throw hats onto the ice...
- If Toronto had played Philly that night, one must wonder if Chris Pronger would have eaten the waffles. Come to think of it, I'm kinda surprised Big Buff resisted.
- The Leafs banned the fan from the arena. One must wonder if this had happened on Long Island, if the fan would have been rewarded with free season tickets. After all, the Isles are desperate to sell tickets.
- I think the ACC should have free waffle night.
- Aren't Leaf fans used to losing by now? I guess they still weren't used to losing to Atlanta.
- The ACC should really work on arena security. If they're so concerned about fans bringing in waffles, maybe pancakes, or even french toast could be next. Oh wait, french toast is only in Montreal. Quebec is French, Ontario is Italian.
- Devils fans should have thrown doughnuts onto the ice after...well, you know when.
- Where was Phil Kessel? He shoots everything in sight on the ice, while Plaxico Burress shoots himself off the field.
- Okay, that last one was pretty bad.
- I have a better idea than waffles. Throw pucks onto the ice during play and see if the Leafs can score with two pucks at once. Probably not, but it's an idea.
- If Gary Bettman was the GM of the Leafs, he probably would have fined the fan $3 million and two draft picks in his fantasy league.
- If this fan likes waffles so much, is he a Toronto Maple Syrups fan?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)