Are you a Canadian hockey fan (the full test!)?

That's strange...the Jets have never won a championship...well, since the 1968-69 New York Jets, anyway.  Also strange: the crowd shown is in...Montreal.  Well, anyway, Winnipeg has reportedly gotten the hockey Jets back (barring name approval).  So Canada would now have 7 NHL teams, while the U.S. still has 23, but it begs the question: how many Americans are as passionate as Canadian hockey fans?  You can check yourself by taking the full test below.  *Disclaimer: I am not intending to insult either country or fans from either country.



Do you paint your face before you attend an NHL game of your team?

(a) No, I'm too busy wearing a green, spandex bodysuit.
(b) Yes, every game.  It hides my identity while I throw tasteful breakfast foods onto the ice.
(c) I've outgrown face-painting.
(d) I only paint my face when I'm starring on a sitcom and wearing a Devils jersey.


How many homes games to you attend per season?

(a) None, I don't live near my team's arena.
(b) As many as I can on my budget.
(c) 41!  I'm a season ticket holder!
(d) More than 41!  My team is a perennial playoff team (in which case, you're not a Leafs or Oilers fan...).


How do you celebrate when your favorite team scores?

(a) Stand up and scream like idiots until the next faceoff.
(b) Throw my hands up and hi-five my friends.
(c) Sit in my seat and wonder if the team is hurting its chances to land the 1st overall draft pick.
(d) Umm, my team never scores, we play the 1-2-2.


What song does your team's arena play after a goal is scored?

(a) Zombie Nation
(b) Gary Glitter's "Rock n' Roll"
(c) Satriani's "Crowd Chant" or a similar sounding song
(d) I'm not sure.  The crowd is too loud cheering.


What do you usually do after a win?

(a) Hang out with my friends at a nearby bar.
(b) Go home and celebrate.
(c) Haha, win...that's funny.
(d) A group of us rage through the city, breaking into stores and burning police cars.


What are you doing on June 24th?

(a) Attending my team's Stanley Cup parade.
(b) Attending a barbecue with friends.
(c) Attending our team's annual 1st Overall Draft pick party for Draft Day.
(d) I'll be sitting on the beach, just like Gary Bettman.


What event are you anticipating this summer for free agency?

(a) Glen Sather giving Brad Richards a ridiculously absurd contract just to make the Kovalchuk contract look good.
(b) The Bruins re-signing Tomas Kaberle, and I'll be laughing at them if they do.
(c) Gary Bettman fining Lou Lamoriello for saying "status quo" 8,000 times.
(d) Brian Burke acquiring Jeff Carter for Phil Kessel.


Who is the best dressed hockey person?

(a) Kevin Weekes
(b) Patrick Sharp
(c) Henrik Lundqvist
(d) Don Cherry


How many road games do you watch on TV?

(a) None, I'm at them all.
(b) A few, whenever I'm home or available.
(c) Versus is blocked in my home, so not many.
(d) All of them.  I plan my life around my team.


What's the first thing you do when you wake up on Tuesday and Friday mornings?

(a) The usual: coffee, then work.
(b) Look at the clock and then fall back asleep.
(c) Watch ESPN SportsCenter.
(d) Run to a computer to read Down Goes Brown's new blog post.


Check your answers:

• If you're like a Canadian hockey fan, you chose (in order): 1 - B, 2 - D, 3 - A/B, 4 - D, 5 - D, 6 - C, 7 - A/B/C/D, 8 - D, 9 - D, 10 - D.

If you answered like a Canadian:

• 10 - You either have way too much time on your hands or you're "employed" by your team, or something like that.
• 7-9 - You're passionate, but you probably shy away from what seperates Americans from Canadians.  Perhaps rioting is one of those things.
• 4-6 - You're a pretty big fan of hockey, but not quite crazy enough.  You probably watch too much ESPN and may have another priority, such as...basketball.
• 2-3 - You aren't really a crazy hockey fan, but you care...if your team is relevant and not golfing in May.
• 1 - You're probably either a newer hockey fan or still a hockey fan prospect.
• 0 - You know that they aren't using golf clubs and tennis balls on the ice, right?

What is different about the second half New Jersey Devils?

The New Jersey Devils have not had a season in which they lost more games than they won since the 1990-91 season.  They've made the playoffs every year over the past 13 and missed only once (1995-96) since 1988-89.  During that time, they've won three Stanley Cup championships, made it to the finals four times and haven't gone more than five years without making the conference finals...until now.  2003 was the last time the Devils made it to the conference finals.  This season, the team started the season a miserable 10-29-2, last in the NHL, but since, they have gone 20-2-2, and are now within striking distance of (dare I say this) a playoff spot.  In the first half, the team's theme song could have been "Sympathy for the Devil," but now, you're lucky to be "Runnin' with the Devil."  That, in itself, is remarkable, however, there must be an explaination for this incredible turnaround.  DGA investigates.


Differences between the first half and second half of the season for the Devils (from the eyes of a player):

FIRST HALF - Shoot from anywhere, even if it has absolutely no chance to find its way to the net, let alone in it.
SECOND HALF - Who are we kidding?  We don't play Ottawa every night.


FIRST HALF - Our team spent $100 million on Ilya Kovalchuk, let's make him score all the goals for us.
SECOND HALF - Our team spent $100 million on Ilya Kovalchuk, let's make him score all the goals for us.

FIRST HALF - We get booed off the ice every night, but at least our physical safety is not a factor.
SECOND HALF - Damn, I sure hope our fans aren't as creative idiotic as Toronto Maple Leaf fans.

FIRST HALF - Man, I'm tired.  Maybe I'll just take a shift off.  It's not like John MacLean will notice.
SECOND HALF - Mattias Tedenby can't even take a shower, since he can't work up a sweat, because Jacques never lets him play.

FIRST HALF - Johan Hedberg looks just like he did in Atlanta.  No defensive support and he gets lit up every night.
SECOND HALF - Hmm, maybe Martin Brodeur does have it easy in New Jersey...

FIRST HALF - Another loss, another night of crappy officiating.
SECOND HALF - Another win, another night of crappy officiating.

FIRST HALF - The Devils are absolutely terrible with Jamie Langenbrunner.
SECOND HALF - The Dallas Stars are absolutely terrible with Jamie Langenbrunner.

FIRST HALF - John MacLean cancelled practice today.  He probably had to plan his retirement funds a bit earlier than expected.  At least he left us shooting drills to practice.
SECOND HALF - Jacques Lemaire's idea of shooting drills at targets shaped like John MacLean's face are really working well.

FIRST HALF - "Collapsing" is referred to as something the Devils do every spring.
SECOND HALF - "Collapsing" is referred to as a brilliant defensive scheme that most successful teams impliment to win, yet the Devils constantly get accused of ruining hockey by using it.

FIRST HALF - I thought signing Kovalchuk was supposed to help attendance...
SECOND HALF - Why did we have to come all the way out to Long Island for another sold out home game?

FIRST HALF - Uh-oh, Lou Lamoriello mysteriously brought a bag filled with jars of jelly to his office today.
SECOND HALF - Oh, he just legitimately enjoys eating jelly.

FIRST HALF - Wow, if Jamie Langenbrunner is only worth a 3rd round pick...
SECOND HALF - What?  Jason Arnott brought a 2nd round pick back and the guy who knocked Sidney Crosby out during the Winter Classic?

FIRST HALF - Well, at least I can have a longer summer this year.  I better call my buddies on the Panthers (too bad I don't know anyone on the Panthers...) Maple Leafs to find out exactly how that works.
SECOND HALF - Dammit, I might lose my summer plans!  Oh well, I could always retire, since I have pretty much every record a goalie could ever get.

FIRST HALF - You'll give us a 5th round pick for Kovy?  Hmm...
SECOND HALF - Oh, wait, that Kovy?  He's worth a 7th rounder...

FIRST HALF - Is that the same suit John MacLean wore yesterday?
SECOND HALF - Is that the same piece of gum Jacques Lemaire was chewing yesterday?

FIRST HALF - Pierre LeBlond?  What an idiot...
SECOND HALF - Kris Letang forgot to tie his jersey down?  If he only learned from Andrew Peters last year.  See, I knew that Peters guy was useful for something.

FIRST HALF - Still awaiting Anton Volchenkov's first goal as a Devil.  Oh well, he was injured, he'll be fine.
SECOND HALF - Wait, Brett Lebda and Hal Gill scored goals this year?  Gill has...2???

FIRST HALF - Man, this Tedenby kid is fast.  Gionta who?  Stephen?
SECOND HALF - Trevor Gillies had more ice time than Mattias Tedenby last night?

FIRST HALF - I can't believe Matt Cooke has more points than Ilya Kovalchuk.
SECOND HALF - Matt Cooke still has a higher shooting percentage than Kovalchuk...