Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wheel of DeBoer - The Scientific Approach to his Fate

There are few professions which offer less job security than the position of New Jersey Devils head coach.  One of them might be a contestant on The Apprentice under Donald Trump or cashier at a general store that hasn't had a customer in 10 years.  Other than that, however, the Devils' coaching job is probably the least secure job available.  It is now Pete DeBoer's turn to try to last as long as he can.

Recent Devils coaching failures:

John MacLean
Tenure with Devils - 33 games (9-22-2)
Reason for release - Other than lack of preparation, lack of a system and stupid decisions, MacLean wasn't really that bad of a coach.  He just wasn't ready.

Jacques Lemaire
Tenure with Devils (this particular stint) - 1 season (48-27-7)
Reason for release - Lemaire took a brief time off before he ended up returning for his eventual third stint as Devils head coach.  He called his hiatus "retirement."

Brent Sutter
Tenure with Devils - 2 seasons (97-56-11)
Reason for release - Some say Brent Sutter left New Jersey because he was homesick, but the real reason is that GM Lou Lamoriello fired him for Sutter's inability to smile or speak in a voice high enough to be comprehended.

Claude Julien
Tenure with Devils - 79 games (47-24-8)
Reason for release - Julien wasn't going to be fired, but Lamoriello realized that he hadn't coached in nearly a year, so he decided to return.

Larry Robinson
Tenure with Devils - 141 games (73-43-19-6) and 32 games (14-13-5)
Reason for release - Robinson taped his speech to the Devils during the 2000 Eastern Conference Finals and kept replaying it in the locker room.  Its effect wore off, apparently multiple times.

Robbie Ftorek
Tenure with Devils - 156 games (88-44-19-5)
Reason for release - Throwing benches onto the ice is amusing, but players got sick of standing and began to riot on the bench in front of the coach's standing spot.

Jim Schoenfeld
Tenure with Devils - 124 games (50-59-15)
Reason for release - Schoenfeld once resorted to mentioning a sweet food in a dispute with a referee.  It wouldn't be until 2011 that references to such foods and hockey would be deemed funny (but only in Toronto).


And now, with the past established, let's take a look at my high-tech, scientific system that will help determine the newest member of the Devils' revolving door of coaches: The Wheel of DeBoer.  The instructions are simple: spin the wheel and whatever you land on becomes the estimated duration of DeBoer's stint with the Devils (Warning: I am not responsible for any computers or devices destroyed by spinning them to determine a result).  Enjoy.