Saturday, May 28, 2011

Frequently Asked Questions about the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals

The stage is set for the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals.  The Vancouver Canucks and Boston Bruins will meet and one of them will snap a long championship drought.  It has come to my attention that some people may want some insight into the series, so here’s a little FAQ for you, with the likely answers you’d get from a pro.

Who is going to win the Finals?
I have the Heat winning, but the Mavs are gonna make it a series……oh, wait, those Finals...say, who’s playing?

Can Luongo be the difference for Vancouver?
Many people would argue that if Vancouver wins the Stanley Cup, it would be in spite of Luongo.  Vancouver is facing a difficult goaltender in Tim Thomas.  Luongo must be on his A-game, barring that Keith Ballard doesn’t cut off his hear…

Is Ryan Kesler the best American hockey player in the world?
He’s the best *sober* American hockey player in the world.

Isn’t it ironic that Vancouver has been carried to the Stanley Cup Finals by an American and two Swedes?
Shhhhhh!  Don Cherry is listening…

Can Sami Salo stay healthy for 7 straight games?
I don’t know, can you juggle four tennis balls constantly for 7 days?

Will Manny Malhotra be able to play?
If he does, I sure hope his vision is 100%.  You need to be aware when Zdeno Chara is on the ice…not that he’s that difficult to see…

Who is David Krejci?
He’s Phil Kessel in disguise.

What’s something most people don’t realize about the series?
A former Islander is guaranteed to win the Cup (Luongo, Chara) and a former Canadiens coach is guaranteed to win the Cup.

Who has the better goal song, Vancouver or Boston?Is Zombie Nation even a song?

Can the home crowd be a factor?
Of course not, unless two clever men dressed in green spandex suits show up…

Who has the edge in the series?
Vancouver, simply because they can afford to take double the minor penalties as Boston just to balance power play goals.

Which team would Gary Bettman rather see win the Cup?
Pittsburgh Penguins.


True or false: Brian Burke is campaigning to get the Olympics held in Toronto since Vancouver made the Stanley Cup Finals the year after they hosted the Olympics?
False, he’s sly, but not that sly.

Finally, who is less annoying: Pierre McGuire or Mike Milbury?
Spongebob Squarepants.