Friday, April 1, 2011

Practical April Fools Jokes Around the NHL

In case you haven't heard, Michael Grabner's April Fools joke to his agent was telling him that he found an offer in the KHL that he couldn't refuse.  He tweeted that, but the funnier jokes are the jokes that don't get published...until now.

  • Gary Bettman called Lou Lamoriello to inform him that the NHL has approved Ilya Kovalchuk's contract and that he wishes the Devils best of luck next season.
  • Slowly but surely, pucks began to disappear from Flyers' practice this morning.  Peter Laviolette began to inspect players' bags, and shockingly, Chris Pronger stuffed 44 pucks in his bag.
  • Stephane Auger called Alex Burrows this morning telling him that he appreciates Burrows' integrity and honesty on the ice.
  • Glen Sather found a note on his desk this morning from James Dolan telling him not to sign any free agent for more than $4.5 million per season.
  • Don Maloney thought tonight's Avs/Coyotes game was sold out, since all of the tickets were gone.  As it turns out, Paul Bissonnette ran out of playing cards, so he used the back of "spare" tickets.
  • Tim Murray, Sens GM Bryan's nephew, informed Bryan of Adam Larsson's season-ending knee injury.  Bryan is now recovering in a nearby Ottawa hospital from his heart attack.
  • Buffalo Sabres owner Terry Pegula promised Lindy Ruff that he would make sure the Sabres win a Stanley Cup.  A timeframe was not provided.  The laughter in Buffalo could not be contained.
  • Doug Wilson thought he was leaving Dany Heatley a message at 4:30 AM, but since Heatley was still awake, he informed Heatley of a trade to Edmonton.  The joke lasted 9 seconds, before Heatley realized the trade deadline passed.
  • Joe Nieuwendyk re-assured Brad Richards that he intends to have him re-signed.  Richards laughed for a moment, but then realized Nieuwendyk was serious.
  • Brian Burke mentioned something about the "playoffs" to his players this morning.  Not aware that such a thing exists in the NHL, most Leafs don't feel the Blue Jays are that good...
  • Terry Murray told Dean Lombardi that he is confident Lombardi will bring a superstar to the L.A. Kings this off-season.  Lombardi didn't see the humor in that.
  • Bruce Boudreau planned out how the Capitals will try to knock the Sabres or Rangers out, and which games to lose.  Some players noted that not all series go to 7 games.  Boudreau thought that was particularly funny.
  • Gary Bettman replied to many complaints from team managers about referee bias, stating that the NHL refs are all 100% impartial.
  • Pierre Gauthier's voice mail included one caller wishing him luck when his team re-locates to Mexico City.  Gauthier shrugged, not doing anything.
  • Alex Kovalev got nominated for the Selke Trophy by his teammate, Jordan Staal.
  • Claude Julien ordered a miniature cardboard cut-out of Zdeno Chara for the Bruins' locker room, but it wouldn't fit standing upright.
  • Brian Engblom hates his new wig so much that he left it on Pierre McGuire's desk.  That's actually the end of the joke...
  • Peter Laviolette promised Nikolai Zherdev about twenty minutes of ice time during the playoffs.  That's an absolute maximum of five minutes per game if the Flyers get swept out of the first round.
  • Teemu Selanne informed his teammates that he would be retiring after this season.  He's now working on a 7-year extension with Anaheim.
  • The Canadiens' locker room staff re-arranged everyone's personal lockers so that Hal Gill has a bottom locker and everyone else has a top locker.  Things aren't working out so far.