Monday, February 14, 2011

Gary Bettman's questionaire to the NHL players

Following a crazy week of line brawls, ridiculous scoring and goalie fights, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman wanted to get the pulse of the NHL. He created this poll to get the opinions of the players in the league. He then encountered a small problem. There are a number of teams that don't consist of NHL-caliber players. Therefore, the New York Islanders, Edmonton Oilers and Ottawa Senators were disqualified from the survey. Upon further review, the Islanders were allowed back into the survey, due to their involvement in Friday's actions.

1. Do you feel that the NHL does enough to protect its players?
- Yes: 1% (dammit, Cooke...)
- No: 1% (dammit, Savard, you don't count as an "NHL" player anymore...)
- Undecided: 98%

2. Do you feel safe when you step onto the ice for an NHL game?
- Yes: 86.7%
- No: 13.3% (hmm...4/30 is 13.3, so basically every Atlantic team that has to face Chris Pronger)

3. Who is the biggest idiot in the NHL?
- Matt Cooke: 44%
- Chris Pronger: 19%
- Sean Avery: 16%
- Steve Ott: 2%
- Trevor Gillies: who???
- Other, please specify: Gary Bettman: 96% (hey.....)

4. What is the most inappropriate thing you've seen during an NHL game?
- Check from behind: 37%
- Matt Cooke: 12%
- Fans throwing waffles on the ice: 51%

5. What is your favorite arena to play in?
- Bell Centre: 78%
- Madison Square Garden: 10%
- Joe Louis Arena: 5%
- Nassau Coliseum: 7%

6. If you answered "Nassau Coliseum" for Question 5, are you out of your mind?
- Yes: 99%
- No: 1% (Man, John Tavares is a dedicated Islander)

7. If you could commit one illegal action on the ice and know you could get away with it, what would you do?
- Board Sean Avery from behind: 5%
- Board someone else from behind: 4%
- Punch Pierre McGuire in the face: 40%
- Attack a fan: 1% (Rypien, you don't count...)
- Steal pucks from Stanley Cup games: 1% (Pronger...!)
- Nothing. I am a completely honest player and would never commit a foul: 49%

8. Who is your best friend during a game?
- Our team captain: 34%
- My head coach: 29%
- The referees: 0%
- Gregory Campbell: 36%
- Guy in the penalty box: 1%

9. Which team would you least like to be traded to?
- NY Islanders: 99% (Hmm...John Tavares did not vote on this one)

10. Do you make more than the NHL median salary or less than the median salary?
- More: 49.5%
- Exactly: 1%
- Less: 49.5%

11. Is your team the most popular team in your city?
- Yes: 20% (Hmm...all the "Yes" answers appear to be players from Canadian teams)
- No: 63.3%
- My team isn't named after a city: 16.7%

12. Which player are you envious of?
- Gregory Campbell: 96%
- Ilya Kovalchuk's contract: 3%
- Phil Kessel: 1% (I hope this was a joke)

13. If you were Garth Snow, would you have claimed Evgeni Nabokov from waivers?
- Yes: 6%
- No, I would let him play for a World Class organization in Detroit: 46%
- No, I'd let him play for a real NHL team: 48%

14. Is Peter Forsberg retired for good?
- Yes: 91%
- No: 2%
- Is retirement that thing when you stop playing for 6 months and then come back?: 7%

15. Who is the most overrated team in the NHL?
- Toronto: 21%
- NY Islanders: 67%
- Edmonton: 12%