It's pretty clear: nobody actually cares about the NHL All-Star game. Fans would rather watch poker on ESPN, players would rather sleep in all day and the only reason Gary Bettman still tries to promote the ASG is to have a reason to pay Stan Lee for attempting to create a "superhero" for each NHL team. Obviously, we all know, Sidney Crosby is the only real superhero...
So, this has gotten me thinking, there has to be a way to attract interest in the game itself. Well, I developed some ideas:
The Grinder's game - Everyone watches the All-Star game for goals. Well, what if we took that element out of the game? Instead of Crosby, Ovechkin and Stamkos, let's have Shelley, Orr and Parros go at it for sixty minutes. This is an absolutely absurd idea and would ruin the NHL, which is exactly why Gary Bettman would like this idea.
Make goalies important - Instead of making goaltending a chore at the All-Star game, let's make it hurt more. Let's have the goalies choose the teams, and then have a goalie fight to determine who receives the first overall pick in the fantasy draft. This way, we can all laugh at goalies even more. Ray Emery is around somewhere, right?
The blindfolded skills competition - This event is intriguing to me. Having the shootout skills competition event blindfolded seems like a way to increase interest, unless of course, Colin White is involved, because he can't see anything anyway.
The hitting competition - This is another physical addition to the All-Star weekend, since the current game is almost as intense as an Islanders home game. There is only one rule: Scott Hartnell isn't allowed to hit anyone if Jeff Carter is anywhere near him.
The slapshot competition - Okay, so they already have this, but again, I want to involve goalies more. Let the goalies shoot. Besides, Nikolai Khabibulin must have hit at least 105 miles per hour before...
The Vesa Toskala Competition - I will expand on this later with another post (the one with the 'historic first' for DGA), but basically, the GOAL is to make the easiest save turn into an adventure. Vesa has great experience with this, and would make a very good example.
The headshot competition - In this competition, a dummy will be placed at center ice and the contestant's job is to elbow the dummy and do their best Matt Cooke impression. The player that shatters the dummy into the most pieces wins. Despite requests, faces of Gary Bettman will NOT be placed on the face of the dummy.
Waffle-throwing competition - This is a way to involve fans with the All-Star weekend. This competition will be run similarly to fans shooting the puck into a hole in the net. In New Jersey, this is called "Super Score-O." The fan will stand at center ice with three waffles, and will have three opportunities to throw one in Brian Burke's mouth.
Get a TV deal with a relevant network - I know I beat this subject to death, but nobody knows what Versus is. People will look at you strange if you mention the channel. The NHL needs a relevant channel, and as I've suggested earlier, the Golf Channel has plenty of air time available.
Any other submissions will be considered, and remember, the Ilya Kovalchuk contract is almost 3% complete!
*Later today, DGA will be making DGA history with a new first, so stay tuned for that. Thanks for reading and remember, keep your head up (*ahem Marc Savard*).